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The Honey Bees Side of the Story

I tried to flee, for death lit up the sky

It mattered not that outside fell the rain

Coming down like tears from heavens eye

To dampen the ground in dark sorrow’s stain

I hear him call that I should worry naught

For he would help in my attempt to flee

This man would be known throughout history

But trouble came for him, no help was wrought

I buzzed along the window, begging need

Glancing back to stare as the story played

Saw the falling of Rome as he did bleed

The strength left us both as his hand was stayed

He could no longer help to set me free

As death we both now faced in Destiny

Author notes

this poem is a 'response' to a poem:

Julius Caesar and the Honey-bee

Poring on Caesar's death with earnest eye,
I heard a fretful buzzing on the pane:
"Poor bee!" I cried, "I'll help thee by-and-by";
Then dropped mine eyes upon the page again.
Alas I did not rise; I helped him not:
In the great voice of Roman history
I lost the pleading of the window-bee,
And all his woes and troubles were forgot.
In pity for the mighty chief, who bled
Beside his rival's statue, I delayed
To serve the little insect's present need;
And so he died for lack of human aid.
I could not change the Roman's destiny;
I might have set the honey-maker free.

-Charles Tennyson Turner

The replication of his form, meter, rhyme scheme and even the rhyme ending sounds is deliberate.

Lady-Pegasus

If it is not clear, the intention is to be what the same bee might have said at the time of the original poems setting.

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

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Comments

1 - 10 of 10

  • Celticmoon
    August 3, 2007

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    The Honey Bees Side of the Story by Lady-Pegasus

    Title - 8
    Style - 9
    Form - 8
    Spelling - 10
    Captivating - 8
    Originality - 9
    Reaction - 8
    Rules - 10
    Makes sense - 9
    Enjoyable - 8

    Total- 87


  • JM Kenyon silver member
    August 2, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    The Honey Bees Side of the Story by Lady-Pegasus

    Title - 8
    Style - 8
    Form - 8
    Spelling - 10
    Captivating - 8
    Originality - 8
    Reaction - 8
    Rules - 10
    Makes sense - 8
    Enjoyable - 8

    total- 84

  • Frodofan
    July 31, 2007

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    Your SCORE

    Title - 10
    Style - 9
    Form - 9
    Spelling - 10
    Captivating - 10
    Originality - 10
    Reaction - 8
    Rules - 10*
    Makes sense - 10
    Enjoyable - 8

    Response Bonus - Yes - 5
    Rhyme Scheme Bonus - Yes - 5
    Meter Bonus - No - 0

    Total: 104


  • Haiku-bless-you gold member
    July 26, 2007

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    HOODWINKED !!!

    Interesting shadow writing, mimicing the Charles Tennyson Turner poem. Your form is true and the odd rhyming scheme followed well. Well done my Bandit friend, enjoy your Hoodwink today.

    Dennis


  • no-longer-a-member-
    July 21, 2007

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    an amazing poem, with a wonderful history behind it... I really like this. Best of luck in the contest, I believe that you will go far


  • Three Doves
    July 18, 2007

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    The bee I believe is perfectly honest. "He could no longer help to set me free. As death we both now faced in Destiny.". I hope you do well in the contest.
    All facettes are structured well. Many blessings to you.


  • tawk gold member
    July 17, 2007

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    Wow, I am so impressed!! What an excellent write in response to the above poem. Amazing


  • Lady Altheia gold member
    July 17, 2007

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    Hmmm I am not up on Ceasar. I am happy to see you are still in this contest. Good luck to you. It is a good write.

  • Frodofan
    July 17, 2007
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    Good job Lady Pegasus! I hope you enjoyed the poem you were given. I had a feeling you would do well with it. A pleasure.


    • Lady-Pegasus
      July 17, 2007
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      Ty i did indeed have fun doing that one, it came to me the minute i read it! I am glad thatyou enjoyed this rendering! hope I got all the things I was supossed to in it hehe

1 - 10 of 10