In the beginning, there was only darkness,
and all she could remember was swimming,
for it was all she knew.
She was immmersed in this ocean,
the bleakest form of black imaginable,
and all she could remember was swimming.
She floated silently in her intransparent world,
wondering what lay above the surface
and if something existed beyond the black.
"Is there something to see out there?" she pondered.
She reached out into the void that lay in front of her
hoping to touch the tangible outside world,
but there was only oblivion to behold.
She knew there was an outside,
that there was something out there beyond the night.
She knew of the light.
She wondered about this "light" that she longed for.
"Will I ever be able to breathe again?" she lamented.
"Will I ever see anything besides the darkness?"
But all she could remember was swimming.
Author notes
Inspiration: "Missing" by Evanescence
This I wrote for a contest based on the song "missing" by evanescence (beautiful and sad song. Highly recommend it). I looked at the lyrics and all I thought about was the character Mariko from the anime Elfen Lied. For those of you who have seen this show (or read it) you know what I'm talking about. She was a little girl (a disturbed little girl, but a little girl nonetheless) who had been locked up in a room her entire life. All she longed for was to see her mom and dad again and have them take her out of that room. So sad.
I'm not entirely sure about this poem. It's strange. I don't really know. I kind of like it though. Just tell me what you think. Remember, honesty is the best policy! Tell me exactly what you think, just don't be a hater. ^_^
Thanks
In a list
A contest entry
- Missing [Lyric Inspired] by Pisces Pieces.
1750 points, ended July 24, 2007, 12 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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I liked the way you brought everything back to swimming, that was rather well done. I think you used "she" a few too many times though. There were places that could have done without it.
Still, I like this as an idea, certainly a unique way of putting it. -
Thank you for entering! I will be judging this contest here shortly. Good luck!
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hm. Very confusing I think. At first it reminded me of The Little Mermaid. How Ariel always yearned to be someplace else. Then those aliens came in and I was like "what are they doing there? what is their purpose in this poem?" Then in the end I felt maybe it was a loss of hope in depression. Very confusing, but thank you for that. I needed to get my dose of confusion for the day
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I very much love the concept of the poem. I can relate to much of it in a metaphoric way. Being a Pisces, signified by the fish
this appeals to me. I was thrown off by the whole alien thing, it doesn't fit (for me only!) in with the rest of the poem as I interpret it, BUT I still thoroughly enjoyed it.
It makes me think of a soul, trapped inside, just wanting to burst out with all this love and knowledge of it, and other things...I don't know, but I am drawn to the concept and expression of trying to get from the darkness to the light, drowning....swimmming.
Very wonderful, thank you for entering and best of luck!
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Oh my god, SILVER! THANK YOU!
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