Each dotted eye
(mirrored back distorted views
Parchment patchwork iris)
Crossed teas and stumbled summer days
(jam and cream and sugar sweet
buttered up and then smoothed over)
You write the story for the public
One-side views and ink stained pages
You print colour black and white
(easier to point the finger
Than extend a helping hand)
You take the world and twist it your way
Fitted into 50 words
Research lasting 50 years
(its hard to make a man understand
When his pay depends on his not)
Painting truth into albino rainbows
printing out your yarn for all the world
Author notes
global warming; how journalists are still printing that it doesnt exist
A contest entry
- Closes at 15 entries, Be Inspired By These Set of Words... by Tangled Angle.
420 points, ended July 20, 2007, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
Wonderful
Very well done. A beautifully expressed poem.
-
86
"(its hard to make a man understand
When his pay depends his not)"
the 'depends his not' part made no sense to me.
I like this poem very much, but the line breaking was ineffective, and the themes of this poem, as in the object, the spreading of the jam and cream on bread, and then the albino rainbows and then other stuff.. just didn't connect. The meanings do, but the themes of the objects didn't, so they came across as random.
Besides that, you developed this well I like you title, just don't like the 'truthtales' part, makes it sound cheesy/corny, other than that this was great.
originality: 10
creativity: 10
use of devices: 8
title: 9
development: 8
rhyme/line breaks: 6
length: 10
flow: 9
impact: 8
enjoyment: 8
Total: 86
PS. This may be able to win HM. -
Excellent images - I like the title too - love this: "Painting truth into albino rainbows" and "jam and cream and sugar swee" - oh and I caught 'dotted i's' - Good Luck on the contest!
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