I used to love you
But I don't no more
I was so confused
And didn't know what I was looking for
But now I've moved on
I love someone new
Will it end the same
Oh what am I getting myself into
The guy I love
lives so far away
But I know he loves me to
The pieces of my heart, oh how they will fray
We've had so many chats
But never face to face
Should I keep on loving you
Is it worth the chase ?
Your different than any other guy I've met
Your like a dream come true
At night I dream of being with someone
But will it be you
Your all I think about
day after day
Your love for me is real
But will it stay
Author notes
I wrote this because I've now moved on from the guy i used to like, now i like someone else. I no he likes me to, and i want to be with him, but he lives so far away, so i'm wondering if it's even worth it, or if i should just forget about him or not.
A contest entry
- -♥-~*Beautiful*~-♥- by xwarriorXprincessx.
900 points, ended August 18, 2008, 54 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - prewrite conest by serenity silvermoon.
1500 points, ended June 12, 429 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Do you like it ?
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
-
i think i'll leave it :)
it is beautiful in its own tug-on the heartstrings way. i know u might not have meant to submit it. but i don't see what it would hurt to leave it in the running
it's a lovely write. really heartfelt and saddening. i hope u get the answers you need dear.
best wishes and best of luck
-
well if you really like someone you will go after them. and if he really likes you back then he'll be with you. it's not a matter of distance. it's a matter of heart. long distance relationships can work out. i've been in one for almost 2 years. sure, we get our little arguments -- but what couple doesn't. he's moving with me after he graduates. i say you do what your heart tells you to. you're the only one that knows what is best for you.
other than that...
i think you should reconcider line two stanza one.
"But I don't no more" to but i don't any more. the way you have it -- it's a double negative. other than that -- i can relate to this poem and it's a lovely piece. keep up the good work.
-nazik-
-
I like how u have penned ur feelings...The floe and rhyme is excellent...
I hope it is worth it for
-
Oh wow this is really deep and so full of emotional imagery
-
Wow, babe, tell me about this new guy pleasE? And I know how you feel, you described my feelings perfectly sis. I love you. <3
-
I love this poem, you express yourself so beutifully,
You don't have to be confused anymore
-
I love it.
Okay first of all: I can see this as a song, and it is a great job, and secondly I saw some errors:
"I used to love you
But I don't no more"
That should be 'any more'.
"The guy I love
lives so far away
But I know he loves me to"
Simple one here, it is 'too'.
"Your all I think about
day after day
Your love for me is real
But will it stay"
"Your all I think about"
That should be 'You're' but I think 'You are' would work better.
One way to see is to record yourself reading the poem and then listen to it.
Finally I like it and think it would make a great song, keep writing and remember to always enjoy it.
-
-
I don't understand why you pointed out my errors in my poem. Like some ppl do that and it's really anoying i think. Like isn't it just about the poem and what the message is that counts ? as long as you can understand the poem and you know what it means, i don't think u should feel the need to pint out any ones errors. But that's just my opinion. o well =)
-
-
I pointed them out because we should always try and better ourselves, and constructive criticism does help as long as the author is willing to hear it, as poets we tend to be very critical of ourselves anyway, but we should be able to listen to critics.
If you ever published your work, you would find what I said very light compared to what they would say, the truth is I love the poem but there is nothing wrong with pointing out errors. It might seem harsh but the truth is I do it because I care, and not because I'm trying to be a jerk or anything, and yes the message does count, but spelling and (sometimes) grammar counts too. Grammar isn't everything to a poem, but there are times where you should ask for opinions, and when you ask for someone to evaluate your poem you should expect (and to some extent enjoy) Constructive Criticism - keyword is Constructive - because after all this site is supposed to be about bettering ourselves and thereby bettering our poetry. We should be willing to learn, and yes a piece can be good should it have errors, but we should also be able to take people telling us about them.
In the end it is up to you, I said it to help not to look down, however you also should remember that people die, but poetry does not, so seventy years from now people might just be reading this. Just like they might be reading mine, so that will probably be all they have to compare my life to, and no spelling and grammar is not the end-all of poetry but it is a factor. -
-
ok i get where your coming from. thanks =)
-
-
-
-
hmmmm...
I like this..Its simple and easy to understand...It makes sence.
Like mc25 said you can't give up on love because of distance. Gosh, this always seems to happen to a friend of mine. Her current boyfriend lives in Sth. Carolina and she lives in Connecticut. But she recently decided to "give up" on waiting for him to move up here (which would be in a couple of weeks) and lost her *** to a boy she told me she strongly disliked... instead of waiting for him like she swore she would do... Again dont give up...Get ready, get set, and go for it....
-
I like this poem it expresses your feelings and gets the true point across!!! Keep up the good work and feel free to check out my page anytime!!
-
the only thing i dislike here is the title
but what really matters is the poem which is great
i especially like this part...
"Your different than any other guy I've met
Your like a dream come true
At night I dream of being with someone
But will it be you?"
its sad how people can be so far apart and not be able to express their love in person
One of my best friends named Patrick who used to live in Maryland was in love with this girl named Rebeca.
one day he had to move all the way to Sth. Dakota because his parents divorced.
However one day, 4 years later Patrick came back to MD to visit.
When he visited Rebeca, it was as if they never left each other.
Don't give up on your love for someone because of distance.
-
yea im also kinda in dealing with this w/ a guy i met on AP and we tak for hours eerynight and i really like him and i know he really likes me but he's over 1000 miles away
but this is a great poem
-
I like it.
It's got a nice flow to it...
So many of us get caught up in situations like that.
Love is tough, there's no doubt about that.
Nice Job**
-
I love this poem...especially because i can kind of relate to it...i met a guy online actually a loooong time ago..he was like my pen pal type thing..and we always talked everyday..still do and i feel like he's who im meant for but weve never actually met and i dont exactly know if he feels the same way but from the way he talks i think he might..I dont know..but i really liked this poem it kinda fits perfectly with my situation...I love your writting
-
-
Thanks so much. Your comment means so much to me. I'm so happy that you like it, and that you love my writing. =) I love your writing to. I wrote that poem at like 12:30 at night. I do some of my best work at night actaully. But the guy that i talk to online, well one of his friends sister is my friend. and she said that she is gonna take me to visit her brother so i can see the guy i talk to online.
that may be confusing. but if you wanna get the whole story about it, just message me ok. lol byes
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 17 of 17
