How can you leave me,
when you promised never to hurt me?
How can you say im possesive,
when you hung out with your friends
more than me?
Do you even know how much it
hurts?
How much it hurts
for me to even
breathe?
How much your words and actions
sting me??
Do you even know
that I cry myself to sleep?
Yeah, you probably dont.
And thats ok.
Because on the outside,
Im happy.
And it doesnt bother me
that you dont love me anymore.
But on the inside,
Im still sad.
And it still hurts to breathe.
A contest entry
- No Rules by J L Whalen.
550 points, ended July 31, 2007, 52 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - * * ! * * & It Still Hurts To Breathe * * ! * * by Shannon62875.
400 points, ended August 23, 2007, 20 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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aww
This is a great write! I really like it lots! You did a great job expressing how you feel! IM really sorry that you are going through the same thing. It hurts like hell but we need to focus on what is best for the both of us... You did a great job writing!! Keep up the great work and good luck in my contest!!
Shannon*Leah -
This is written as a simple letter might be. I'm not adverse to that, though.
What this fails to do, however, is to deliver anything other than the facts. You explain your heartbrake as though speaking to the hearbraker. Most anyone can relate to this, which is great.
The language here, unfortunately, is flat and unoriginal, and although it might very well bring forth painful memories, it fails to make any true connection between the reader and the poem.
Keep writing and God bless,
-JLW -
Great!
I really like this poem, i've went through something very similar. I am very impressed! -
Wow. I know how you feel...This explains my last relationship to a T. Bad part is, I still love him, and it still hurts to think about him. Thanks for the pleasure of reading this. I love it. If I could,I'd give you five smilies.
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But I can't, so I'll put you in my faves instead. >.<
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