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A touch of humans to save humanity

We rarely get anything worthy
from our ludicrous treasure boxes
with hidden things deemed important.
It is just
our overloaded schedule
that refrains us from
deleting the odd items.

We live
guided not by our hearts,
but keys-
hands of the clock,
beeps of microwave,
the buttons of TV remote,
the keys on keyboard

to build
keyboard societies within ourselves.

We get our occasional candy chasms in life,
not so much by the trophies won,
but by the gatherings held.
Our real contact with people
adds juice to our virtual menu.
Otherwise we would be
carromming in  
manmade transparent graves.

Author notes

inspiration:
Transparent graves
Ludicrous treasure boxes
keyboard societies
candy chasms

In a list

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 5 of 5

  • Tangled Angle
    July 17, 2007

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    91

    Hmmmmm I really do like this, I just thought you connected the themes not as good as you could have. Besides that, you did a swell job and I am impressed.

    originality: 10
    creativity: 10
    use of devices: 8
    title: 9
    development: 8
    rhyme/line- breaks: 10
    length: 10
    flow: 10
    impact: 8
    enjoyment: 8

    total: 91

  • mcheadle
    July 17, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Read this little number and forgit ti coment..

    You have our lives all rolled up and we don't have time to put a bow on ar any fancy frill in out life style.. Sometimes this lseemalike a lot of crap the way we have to live.


    • crimsondew
      July 17, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Yup! Life is just so tangled sometimes...I am glad you took out time to comment on my piece... Much appreciated!


  • Jadon
    July 17, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    A touch, a dash and life is good!

    Enjoyed seeing that word "carooming". Such a visual word. Also noticed the peresence of time in your write. I am beginning to think it to be your 'signature'.
    Interesting set of words to work with and yet you wove in a meaningful message about the values we persue and true value. Verse two sounds very much like my home. We do respond to the demands of our 'servants'.
    "candy chasms" - I would have had no idea how to incorporate that one!
    Nicely done crimsondew, you deserve more than three clappies for this one. Jadon

    • crimsondew
      July 17, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Glad you liked the poem... you really are a keep reader, to note the few signatures I occasionally use...Well I just thought it fitted so well with the theme I was carrying...THanks for your lovely'more than three' bunnies.

1 - 5 of 5