We got in an argument,
Last night was bad,
He made her choose,
I hit my dad.
He said him or me,
How could he make her choose,
I hit him hard,
I hope I left a bruise.
I really want to say,
That I love you now,
But with just those words,
My heart won't allow.
He told me,
I am to blame,
For every little thing,
I felt so ashamed.
He thinks I don't care,
I think he hates me,
I hate myself now,
& it still hurts to breathe.
I don't care where I go,
Or even if I live,
I'm such a bad daughter,
I hate that I'm his.
I never thought,
I could hate pure blood,
I never thought,
That I could.
I need to leave,
So you have what you want,
A family without me,
Erase me from your thoughts.
Tears are falling,
From my blue eyes,
I wish you could've seen past,
All my wrongs and my lies.
I need to leave,
To get away from this,
I need to stay,
For my mom and my sis.
It tears me apart,
That I almost died,
I almost took the pills,
I almost woke my suicide.
I know I do care,
For everything I love,
But I always find a way,
To fuck everything up.
So now this is it,
I'm left with a choice,
Pretend to love,
Or should I run.
If I were,
To choose to leave,
I would be hurting,
The ones who love me.
If I stay,
I have to pretend,
I have to be perfect,
I want life to end.
I actually was scared,
That I wouldn't make it,
Through that last night,
Now I just can't take it.
Cry me a river,
A river of blood,
Drowning in my tears,
I hate you,
You I can't love.
?(I)? :N:E:E;D: 2 *E*n*d* t-h-i-s [.P.A.I.N.]
Author notes
*Blackened Heart*
I NEVER thought I could hit my own dad, I hate who I am now... just because of him.
how could anyone ask their spouse to pick between their daughter and their self... am i wrong to hit him for that?
Am I wrong to stand up for my mom like that,
I am so lost, I almost split up my family last night,
I hate myself, I wanted to kill myself... i was literally seconds away from doing it last night... but i can't because that would devastate my mom and my sister, but i cant do it anymore... what the fuck am i supposed to do, who the fuck am i? who the fuck am i supposed to be? am i wrong? Should I leave so he can be happy and hurt my mom and sister in the process... i am done with caring about anything... cuz every time i do something because i care about them... it turns around and backfires... and hurts them.. but how can i just stop caring... i cant
i am me,
if thats not good enough,
im sorry for everything...
Im sorry for who i am
Im sorry i cant be perect,
or anywhere even close...
Im sorry i cant change myself,
you say i can, but i just dont want to...
your right, i lovED who i was, i fought for what i believed in... i didnt care about the consequenses that would happen to me... now... everything changed, now you want to leave because of me... how can i do it?
how can i be perfect...
just like you want...
im done...
you left me with nothing
i hate myself...
thanks
i lovED you too
you just walked into the room and asked how i was,
with tears running down my face, i said fine..
you didn't even notice.....
A contest entry
- ♥ Blackend Love ♥ by stop a bullet.
385 points, ended August 5, 2007, 23 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - * * ! * * & It Still Hurts To Breathe * * ! * * by Shannon62875.
400 points, ended August 23, 2007, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything and Everything! by Rainy Days.
630 points, ended July 23, 2007, 66 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Best/Worst Day Of Your Life...So Far by Death of the Author.
525 points, ended August 25, 2007, 40 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Deep Dark Thoughts by Abstract Image.
330 points, ended August 11, 2007, 57 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - family member: mother or father by CarCrashHumor.
600 points, ended September 2, 2007, 33 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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I honestly find it so appalling that you would hit your parent. No it is not right to hit your elder and in my personal opinion, it is not right what he did but your retaliation makes you no better. P.S. DO NOT message me complaining about not knowing what I'm talking about. I admit to only knowing what is in the contest YOU entered and answering the question YOU asked. Anyway... good luck in my contest.
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Aww man...this is such a terrible experience...Ican't really say anything without sounding patronising, but you've taken a bad experience and written an excellent poem, so I have to congratulate you on that. It flowed really well, the rhyme was simple but effective and in the end you told your story well. I read your authors note too and it reads very much like a suicide note =[ I am glad you chose the other route, and I am sorry that no one can really solve your situation. I think what's really sad with this poem is...you've basically said you're not a perfect person (but no one is), maybe you've made mistakes but you've owned up to them and yet you still have to go through this. Thanks for entering my contest with such a great write x take care and good luck x
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i loved reading this poem it flowed and had a nice use of words...good luck
~Wolf~ -
I can understand to a certain perspective of what you are feeling, being in a dysfuctional family myself, but remember the words of Frank Sinarta, "Things are never as bad as they seem." Hang on things always can get better even in the most bleak situtations.
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WOW!!
This is really, really crazy. You did a great job expressing how you feel ! IM really sorry for what you are going through. I can tell that you are feeling really bad and so much pain that is bottled up inside of you.. i hope things work out for you... damn this was a very good write.. it was so fucking emotional! IM really sorry for everything. That doesnt really sound liek a father if he is making your mom choose you or him. Thats pretty damn bad.. Why does he love you and want you there?Thats fucking bullshit,. PAretns are suppose to be there fo help you around. to help you understand things better and to care for you like you care for them. IM really sorry i mean wow. i dont really know what to say. I dont think you were in the wrong when you hit your dad. IM not quite sure i would of done that but... you made the right choice.. No daughter should have to put up with this kind of shit!! I hope everything works out okay.. If you need to talk im only just a message away!!
Keep up the great work and good luck in my contest!!
Shannon*Leah
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hey babe no one will ever make me pick between you and them cuz no matter what your going to be with me till the end... even if we live in different parts of the world. Your MY CHILD and nothing or no one will ever make choose them. Now for the second part your dad does really love you, he just wants the best for you. Which I think he is mad with himself because he hasn't been able to give you. I know he would give his life up to save yours. But I am sure I would be the first one there. NOW as for suicide if you ever do that I swear when I see you the next time I will flick you in the nose as hard as I can(kidding) You had better come to me so we can get help together or just for you. I love you hunni and I know he does 2.
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I enjoyed the jumbled feel to this-- it's a tough situation I'm sure.
The rhyming seems forced... I wonder if you could rewrite this, keeping almost everything but the unnecessary lines that happen to rhyme.... -
This is such a heartfelt and painful poem. The choice that was layed out.. that drew you to hitting your father.. that isn't a choice that should ever have to be made.. I have a good relationship with my father.. something I am very grateful for.. but I still understand the feeling of suicide and always having to try to be perfect. If you ever need to talk feel free to contact me. Such a wonderful and emotional poem. Thanks for entering and best of luck.
}{aley -
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thank you... i dont know what else to say really
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thank you guys, i believe you are right in some ways and very wrong in others, thanks for you views on this, i dont know what to do, i thought about it for a very long time now, last night just made everything i thought about even more true than it already was, i dont know what to say anymore... im just gunna shut up and be the perfect little daughter.... just like he wants. thats the only way i can keep my family together.
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Sad To Hear
Look at the whole picture the two most alike will fight and you and your Dad must have a lot in common your both head strong and you both wants it your own way . If there are things he says he dislikes ask him why for if you took after him in this way maybe just maybe he can understand your battle to know you are following his footsteps. People dont usually see this until years later but we cant help who we take after . We can help them see they are looking at their own reflection find out which of your grandparents your Dad took after people need to see . Take record encounters and later play them back . Sometimes as teens we cant always do as our minds tell us to do but we can within ourselves know why. I was told once that what we hate most in people are what we hate most in ourselves . Search your heart and find this is not just you this is inherited only you can control it . And as an adult you will find in this world therte will be a lot of people like your dad you will encounter in this world . Please find a person you can talk to about this stick to your beliefs but also you are becoming an adult so you will know in your heart that there are things you cannot change but you can try to see your Moms side and for her show her and tell her just for her and your sister you will always be there for them . Know you wont change and neither will he but you can try to meet in the middle until you are out on your own . Every person as growing older finds life is not always what we see its what we do and they wouldnt be so protective if they didnt love you more than life itself . Your Dad knows the hit was part of learning just as spankings they gave you as you were younger . But never hit as you get older it can turn on you once your out on your own .
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Jessica, The you write beautifully and maturely from your heart. I am sorry for the pain you felt as you write it. Please don't run or hurt your self. Speaking as a parent sometimes a relationship with a child gets rocky but you dont stop loving them. Usually when a parent acts angry it is hurt or worry not anger. They dont stop loving you when they are angry anymore than you stopped loving your Dad when you hit him.You are no different than us hon. Just younger. If you want to know really how THEY feel about you go someplace quiet and calm and figure out how you truly feel about them and you will know. Families have a hard time to get through as a child grows and comes into thier self. Parents have a hard time letting go sometimes controlling what you love is the only way to know how to protect it. If parents feel something is threatening a child they love they can do a say dumb things causing hurt when they are trying to prevent it. Try to figure out from what they say and the situation if that is what is going on now. It will get easier, and one day, you wont need parents anymore, and they will be your very best freinds. Hang in there.
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I really felt sad when I read this peace, and can't help but to reach out and give this person a hug. You know, the hardest people to love are the people who need it the most.
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I think this is a very deep poem and i really like deep poems as you have to dig that little deeper to get that full story and i really enjoyed it. The poem does make you feel sad in a way but it gets the point across perfectly. very well written poem
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