Forever I'll love you she said ...whispered it softly in my ear
Ruby lips caress my neck , then teeth sunk into my flesh.
One last time...runs through my head
Forever I'll be yours she said ...Nails rake down my back
as I bite deeply into her shoulder , taste the warm blood as it flows,
smell the sweetness of her flesh.
One last time...never again.
Forever I'll be true she said as she looked deep within my eyes
as if trying to read my soul ,
then jumping back as if she had done just that
Read my soul... Felt its darkness..
Tasted the hate .
A single tear ran down her face as she realized somehow I knew....
Knew what she had done and would never forgive her for it.
True? I asked her... TRUE..I screamed in a rage
as I shoved her into the wall
A rage so deep I wanted to rip out her throat
As she sat there...
tears streaming down her face...
As I stood above her....screaming
hating...unforgiving
Love left my soul....
Forever
Author notes
Original artwork Šscarletgothica
In a list
A contest entry
- Betrayal by XXCrimsonRaineXX.
1380 points, ended April 27, 2008, 38 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Wit-torical Hatred by Minstrel Knight.
300 points, ended June 8, 2008, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Love Turned Bitter by MrsJones.
450 points, ended May 9, 2008, 32 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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It is truly tragic that the human heart is so capable of deception and then make light of it as if it never happened at all, it is the cruellest cut of all, to be betrayed. But we are not all like that. Love, C
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Your imagery in this was excellent, I loved the flow of this too. It's a very dark poem and well written. I got a little confused at the end I'm not sure what happend or what this girl saw in you that brought these feelings. Other than that you did a great job, thanks for entering!
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Thank you much for the comment, as for what she saw in me...she looked into my eyes and saw that I knew all her "forever" promises were just a lie, She saw that i knew she had been unfaithful, and would never forgive her for it. ~Bret~
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What I liked: your imagery is well done for the most part. I think you conveyed the feeling pretty well
What could have been better: You overuse the word "forever" at times. Also, there seems to be no reason for this hate. I'd have liked more explanation there. -
Wow, this was an amazing write. I really loved the flow and the story behind the poem. The image is also wonderful. Excellent write and good luck in my contest.
XXCrimsonRaineXX -
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Thank you much for everything ~Bret~
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wow very powerful,
leaves ones spine in a shiver,
i hope this isnt personal,
good luck in the contest,
i love the imagery,
love vamp xxxx -
What a dark love!
Beautifully written with images and metaphors that stream out like a volcano of hot sparks! 
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i enjoyed the ideas you have presented in this poem... especially the line "a rage so deep i wanted to rip out her throat" i think you used too many ellipses (...'s) throughout. i'm a little upset that yet another vampire poem is being entered, if you looked at the description of the contest i was looking for something not so dark. but thank you for entering,
<3cassidy -
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Thank you for the comment. Although this was not a "vampire" poem, I guess I can see where one might get that impression. It was actualy a piece drawn for personal experience. "even the wicked can love" It is quite "wicked" to cheat on a partner, and yet attempt to play it off, as if nothing ever happened. But again, thank you for the comment on this piece ~Bret~
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