Mortimer mumbles scattered vowels
straining his eyes he
squints until he's happy
"Remember me as daytime Kismet"
Kismet twirls her fingers around
thin fabric, dangling a silver charm
above her navel
shaped like the lunar half.
"Is Mortimer alright?"
sigmund sighs, and with his questions
his hands retreat from hers
"he's been picking at his scabs again
leaving stains in his wake
He'll be fine again tomorrow"
"you should be nicer, he's the only friend you have."
With an inch of regret, Mortimer smiles.
"Of course, he is...still my lazy iris
wanders past his balding scalp of pig skin
where his stubs and folding skin
are skewed by the background of
your silhoutte
where the glint of your moon
attracts my attention."
"would you like some Ice cream Mortimer?"
Mortimer nods enthusiastically, while sigmund sighs.
A contest entry
- even the wicked can love occasionally by unraveled.
450 points, ended July 21, 2007, 33 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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"Of course, he is...still my lazy iris
wanders past his balding scalp of pig skin
where his stubs and folding skin
are skewed by the background of
your silhoutte
where the glint of your moon
attracts my attention."
wow, this is like a narrative poem, yet it is so beautiful. the actions and words these characters say just fit perfectly into the poem. it has such a deep meaning...WOW. great write
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your capitalization is strange, sometimes you capitalize the names and sometimes you don't. i am also wondering about the character analysis, however this peek into their lives is fantastic. i love the lines "leaving stains in his wake" and "where his stubs and folding skin are skewed by the background of your silhouette" excellent job, it leaves me wanting more. thank you for entering,
<3cassidy
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This whole "Sigmund" and "Mortimer" and "Kismet" thing reminds me for some reason of The Flaming Lips...which is totally awesome in my book. I don't know if it's the names or the distance you keep in your poetry but there is something very surreal...especially in this. I feel like they are on some journey. With each one I become more and more intrigued...
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The Flaming Lips=love.
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I think this was a s story. I'm not sure I grasped it completely until the second read but my teacher says that it's good poetry when you have to read it twice. personaly i think she says that so the ditzy dolts on the other side of the roomm don't feel bad about spending an hour on robert frost. I kept pictureing them as these gypys from the old stories ya know, but living in the futture. At first i thought mortimer was somekinda drugy, and then I thought he was jts mentaly reatarded. This Kimset girl sounds like the peacemaker, a sort of maternal figure. and sigmound, whoever he may be, sounds like a stuck up philosopher who is a part of their little group, living in the backwoods.
I could be wrong about the character anylysis, so please, tell me. I like it anyway you slice it. It kept me guessing and wanting to read more. good job and good luck in the contest envelope.
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