A Rant.

Its been forever since I saw you last
We were yelling and swearing
Threatening lawsuits
And sure it was the end
I'd never see you again
You'd never speak your poison
At least not in my presence.

Everything was going so great
I was happier than I'd ever been
Or was it all just another god damn illusion
Some sick trick played on my mind
When i was ill prepared to fight back
All these nights I slept so soundly
Never stirring free of dreams and nightmares alike.

All at once the dreams return
Not of you but your nemesis
In the hours after
As I attempt to figure it out
Decipher the hidden meaning
Of her long blonde hair and deep blue eyes
Trying to get a hold on what it means
To see the train speeding towards me
Stepping back and in a bedroom
So beautiful, the morning light that wakes me.

Before night came again you were back
With all the things that had been missing
Laughter our new friend
It was as though the things said, weren't
Standing watching you play
With the growing puppy, the way you smiled
Why is this happening?!!!

A quick meal just some fucking McDonald's
I don't even like the food there
And yet its turning into a great day
Smiling laughing joking like best of friends
Words slipping in that shouldn't be
Promise rings near breakups and wishes
Thoughts passed and it all makes sense
We are again, and for the first time
Something more than an entity
To be counted and dispersed
Real as never before.

I've got you back
The best friend I never had
The beautiful girl
That stole my innocence
Led me to the great abyss
Of utter chaos and despair
Kicked me in and stepped back
Watched as I clawed out
You reached for my hand
I tossed you in
We both survived
To tell our tales
Saying sorry never meant so much
Laughing at the mistakes
Of days gone by
Was never so easy.

The past has its ways
Of sneaking up on the present
Stepping in and becoming the future
Like it never ended in the first place
And if only I understood these words
That where flying so quickly
Maybe I'd make heads or tails of the situation
Call you right now and figure it out, together
But your sleeping soundly
My fingers are running through the hair
That grew in while you were gone
Tearing at the roots
Searching for the key to unlock a solution
Of this ever complicated mess.

I was once your favorite disaster
Had a flare for dramatics
Bringing it back now
Like its the bottom of the ninth
I've already got two quick strikes
A free swinger aiming at the fences
Without a prayer in the world
Of ever even making contact
Knowing full heartedly I'll strike out looking
Only wishing I'd get the bat off my shoulder.

Yet here it is in front of me
YOuth innocence all I've wanted
Plus an offer that goes beyond
A chance to leave all this
Go in a direction I never thought of
Take the road all too worn
Yet an escape is an escape
Sometimes it's best to join the crowd
Even at the cost of all that was dear.

Through it all thick and thin
The air can suffocate choke
Leave me winded from months of lethargy
No stopping me though I'm on a roll
Going nowhere but I'm putting up a hell of a fight
This pretender suddenly is a contender
In the wrong league
Sure to be KO'd in the first
With the spirit to stand the fifteen
Fully knowing either way
The end is the same
A dark lonely road back home
At the same house and dead end life.

Breathing spirits and life, sustenance
Into a dozen great dreams
Dreaming for those who sleep no more
Giving hope where I only feel despair
Trying to make it happen
Bring the lost cause to the forefront of success
At any cost it's worth seeing the smile
Despite the protests I see through
To the shining girl who knows
She's making a great choice
Even if he doesn't care
She knows what she must do.

Here I sit no better than when I began
On this journey trekking through a situation
The drama I'm building
Searching for a climax or twist
That makes me innocent of the hearts
Sure to be shattered
Doing my best to not be the bull in a china shop
Avoiding the cliches and being
No better than a cheap chick flick
Where the girl gets the guy of her dreams
And the asshole gets what was coming
Right from the beginning
If only I knew which part I had been casted in
This would all be a thousand times easier.