Cars fly by
I lace my fingers together
sigh
and keep waiting
The way they all seem to stare
[just don't make eye contact]
piercing my insides
I'm vulnerable
My eyes glance down at my watch
5 minutes now,
I could have been home by now
if only, if only
The light turns to red
and I close my eyes
run
and with a deep breath I force a smile
...
I made it.
Author notes
a couple are mentioned here, I hope you like it.
A contest entry
- PIF-Phobias by olly olly oxen free.
550 points, ended July 20, 2007, 5 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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I really like this poem. It's so interesting, I'm gonna add u as a fav. Hope ya don't mind
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I, quite literally, had agyiophobia until I entered high school. I don't know why I was so unbelievably afraid of crossing streets [more specifically, at stop signs], but it scared me to death. I think it was more of the humiliation aspect of "if I cross at the wrong time, I'll have people honking at me" thing or thinking maybe someone'd make fun of my running... So I can most definitely relate to this.
However! The format made my eyes go crazy. Having it centered with irregular lines makes it hard to read, in my opinion, so that's the one thing that I would've changed.
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=]]
This was great.
I really enjoyed the image it gave me.
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You mentioned there to be a lot of different phobias, but all I seemed to find were agyiophobia, fear of crossing busy streets, and ophthalmophobia, fear of being stared at.. Maybe ligyrophobia, fear of loud noises, and ochlophobia, fear of crowds could be considered as well. Either way, nice job with this poem and trying to keep some abstract and subtle like asked.
I am going to agree with olly olly oxen free in the sense that this should me left aligned. Partially because of what she mentioned, but also because with all the sudden breaks and dots, the flow would work much better.
Again, great job, and good luck in the contest! -
i really like this poem, enough to give it some constructive criticism.
i think it would do better left alligned; you made an indent in the bracketed line and it would show more if you left alligned it. Right now, it just looks like a mistake.
I loved the title and the first 3 lines.
Also, "a deep breath" not "a deeps breath"
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