Solitude
My dearest friend
I try my hardest
Not to see you
Because I know
Once you're near me
I'll need more
Like an alcoholic
That was just released from prison
The dark corners of my room
Call for me, Beg for me to enter
Leave my happiness at the door
Slowly wander into this darkness
That I hold dear
One foot enters
Leaving my mind behind
Another step and I realize
I'm slipping into a darkness
That I cannot hide from
Some would call it depression
I merely call it;
"unwillingness to remember"
In a desperate attempt to forget
Everything that happened that night
I cut off ties with acquaintances
And speak less with friends
"I'm sorry"
A million times said
And a million times meant
Forgive me for my lies
That are sure to come
A contest entry
- give me your favourites (prewrites allowed). by aeolia.
500 points, ended July 29, 2007, 57 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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I like it so much more like this; like I said, it's much easier to read, and the way it's spaced now gives it a sort of choppiness, like the speaker's staggering with her words, like saying this is the hardest thing he/she can do.
I take back what I said about it being mediocre, and it's staying in my contest. Good luck! -
You might want to consider separating this into stanzas, or, if you want to leave it the way it is, add punctuation wherever it's necessary. It's hard to read and discern where stops should be and such the way it is.
All in all, it's mediocre, but not necessarily bad. -
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I updated it, I'm not sure if it makes it any better. but either way I like the poem because it means a lot to me, it's personal. but thank you for your amazing critique. not many people do that.
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