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~Club Observations~

I see,

Prewritten promises,
stitched into heartless sleeves,
sealed on the lips
with love-bite intentions.
Dance-floor parade
of egos and kisses
and an erection
that beats to impossible bass.

Sweat induced robbery
of hydro orgasms,
handcuffed in swirls
and cocktail charms.
Peacock standard,
strutting the shade,
spotlight glare,
blinding the prey.

Kaleidoscope colours,
tear holes in darkness,
highlighted leeches
that boa embrace
victory’s sweet taste.

Panty-less maidens,
drunk on fairytales,
seeking the rhythm
of squeaking beds.

chain-gang of taxi’s
rise from their slumber,
scenting pheromones
of silver and gold.

Suburbia’s habit
of Sunday regrets.
Confessional monologues
to morning-after pill.


A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 10 of 10

  • unbroken record
    July 27, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    like gertrude stein

    on e
    at a club in london
    in 1997

    some of your references are very solid and original
    i think chain-gang of sleeping taxis is an awesome visual
    things like "love-bite" or dancing penises seem a whole lot less thought out. it just kind of exists
    also, you use too many hyphens, and i do too, but maybe we can quit together


    i still love it for what it is
    but it certainly isn't the first of its kind


  • katscradle
    July 17, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    AWESOME

    nice work good luck


  • Silence of Finality gold member
    July 17, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Very, Very True

    This is actually very, very accurate. I'm impressed with your keen observational skills. (hopefully this wasn't a first person experience) but no matter, it's still quite an interesting read.

    You might also enjoy reading my piece about the Rainbow Gatherings. I must confess, I only wrote it as an observor (thank God). An old friend of mine was a member of them for a while and it's actual events which happened to her. You can find it in my list.

    It's not only a similar subject to this wonderful piece you have written here, but a similar form, flow and feel as well.


  • GlowstickOfLove
    July 17, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    wow..very adult lol

    Buit its its very good :]

    ♥--T.R;

  • OrangeChair
    July 17, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    The wording is wonderfully done, I love how you described human charicteristics with animal ones in places, for me it enhanced the idea of the preditory/prey/or vain (in the case of your ego/peacocks) nature ~the hunt~ that often goes on in clubs, even the cabbies "scented" the money like a wolf would its prey. Very well done with vivid imagery. ;p

  • Bad Bill
    July 17, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    A rhythmic (and realistic) take on the frenetically fake life of the club scene. Muscular poetry with great energy. Very well done.
    Bill

  • Fallen Angel
    July 17, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    good write!


  • Restless heart
    July 17, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    This is a true testament to the world that we live in


  • Laura Lamarca gold member
    July 16, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    This is a brilliant write that perfectly reflects the happenings at many UK nightclubs. When I lived in Nottingham, they affectionately called the city centre nightspots the "Meat Market".....enough said huh? I enjoyed reading this, makes me remember why I dont go anymore Thanks for sharing. Laura x

1 - 10 of 10