Rain
I translate the constancy of that grey shower:
Chain gun of the heavans attacks water-logged
Earth, than window with it's moist spears.
Outside is all chaos, this room is an island, where I
Encroach over desk in the lamps dim glow.
My silloheute already a procession of shadows
In the small light, but I sit fixed, eyes
Focusing on the blank page. While outside the rains
Lurking drip, cascading channels, voiceful valleys
Chant it's language on the window pane
My fingers tap the paper to it's hymful drumming
In wait of the epiphany to come. But now -
The passivity of the unprinted page is as a choir.
Palm seizes pencil, conducts each stroke, a
Frantic thing inspired, scribbling shadowesque
In articulatiion of the sky’s temper. And when
The heavans roof heals, the rain stops.
Ink rivulets sign that paper now, dew
Settles the drenched earth. On that now
Printed page, it is always raining.
Author notes
I began this a fortnight ago while staying in Lincolnshire with my stepfamily. The majority of the time was spent in my room, isolated by the rain outside. The idea to write came about from that initial isolation, but the poem uses the rain as a metaphor for the urgency and art of creativity.
Criticisms wanted.
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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"ITS ALWAYS RAINING..." Beautiful, beautiful! keep it up. i love your work!
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Before I praise your work, I just want to point out a few typo's that you have missed in typing.
"Chain gun of the heavans attacks water-logged"
Heavens
Earth, than window with it's moist spears."
Did you mean then rather than "than"?
"My silloheute already a procession of shadows"
silhouette
"My fingers tap the paper to it's hymful drumming"
Think you meant to spell it hymnful, though I don't think that's actually a word.
"Frantic thing inspired, scribbling shadowesque"
Don't think shadowesue is a word either, but it sounds nice anyways.
"In articulatiion of the sky’s temper. And when"
articulation. You have an extra i.
"The heavans roof heals, the rain stops."
Again, heavens.
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I love the whole tone of this piece. It really mirrors well the feel of the rain and the isolation it brings. You use alliteration well here also, to bring emphasis to the shadows that you mention. I have really enjoyed this write! I get like this sometimes where I wait for inspiration to grace me with it's love, and then I have to write like crazy to get everything I want to say down! Again, very nice poem! Very well crafted!
Hugs, Dari xxx
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The heavans roof heals, the rain stops.
Ink rivulets sign that paper now, dew
Settles the drenched earth. On that now
Printed page, it is always raining.
Yes this rain depicts the truths of life and touches the internal meaning of life as well..well I can see the life in your words here in this poem bringing a kind of the realisation touching the soul somewhere inside..this is a wonderful experience of reading this poem..your immages here are very true to its concepts.. well done..
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good writing!!!
chaos is where i find order! didn't you know? i think alot of us do. you understand?... epiphany, that means something that feed off of something eles. right? kinda' like a parasite. so here's the deal. you will NOT always be in the same place you are now. nothing EVER stays the same. not the good. not the bad. when your not there, the parasite will die. cause' it will have nothing to feed off of. KEEP YOUR CHIN UP!!! love gypsyfish
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Every once in a while you stumble across something that just seems to pierce your inner heart and soul… that is what I have found in this piece here. Your words hold an intensity that speaks for itself. Very nice work! Thank you for sharing it here at Allpoetry! I will look forward to reading more from you in the future.
midnight lace -
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Thank you kindly for your comments. They are much appreciated. I have some new work pending.
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Simply Amazing! The title and formatting you have chosen for this particular poem are most fitting with the theme flowing throughout the lines. I love the way you have penned this. You have displayed some very creative thinking on your part, as the writer, as well!
♥ Touchof1der -
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Your comments are very much appreciated, thank you for pitching in
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Great
Lee, this is brilliant for the first ever poem i've seen from you. Its very different to what I usually see poetry wise....and different is always great as it catches my attention. The use of really sophisticated terminology adds to the impact of the poem, and also shows the poet has great potential to create even better pieces of writing.
My favourite bit is definantly the "Chain gun of the heavens..." as i'd never thought of it that way....it is a supurb way of putting it, the way in which rain acts, continuously pounding the ground.
Good write Lee, I look forward to seeing more.
SaintJimmy aka Dave
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