SNOGGO takes on the midget oppressor

I, SNOGGO - the great and beautiful, found myself one day in a land not unlike the English countryside (and how did I know it was not the English countryside I hear you ask? Because I am SNOGGO, and behind this stunning visage is a fountain of knowledge.).

Anyway, I was walking along enjoying the scenery, which did not compare to my loveliness in the slightest, contemplating what I could do to pass the time, when all of sudden a great clatter of horses came dashing toward me. When they saw me, the fabulous SNOGGO, they stopped, and I took note that they were being ridden by midgets - somewhat resemblant of those fucking hobbits from that Lord of the Rings movie that people oooo and awww over so much.  I spoke to them - asking what they seemed to be in such hurry for and they started jabbering in some strange, as yet unknown to me, tongue. I listened for a few seconds and began to pick up the finer details of their language and I eventually made out that they were being oppressed by some evil, beastly overlord who took all their midget wives and used them daily for his own loathsome pleasure, and they had decided it was time they should find a champion for their seemingly hopeless cause.

ENTER SNOGGO!!!!!

I could not refuse. I knew instantly that I, SNOGGO the brave, was the only person who could rid them from the rule of this villainous brute. So I spoke to them (in their own language of course - I am an extremely quick study, my brain being much larger than the average human and my towering IQ being, well, what it is) telling them not to fear, that I would kill this nefarious beast and return to them (for their own pleasure) their band of midget, monster concubines! I flashed my steely sword (which I just happened to have handy) and my even steelier smile - I could see that my confident manliness and formidable stature had inspired them to believe in me, and the lead midget (hobbit/dwarf/runt - whatever the fuck he was) dismounted and offered me his horse. I accepted and I rode off expertly, in gallant fashion (although this being the horse of a midget it had not quite the girth and height that I was used to)

At fall of night I reached a fortified castle with a crocodile filled moat and huge drawbridge. Being fearless as I am, I jumped straight into the moat and wrestled all the crocodiles, tying them up by the side! Then I deftly jumped onto the drawbridge and entered the castle. All was dark! I walked on until I heard midget shrieks - thinking I had finally found the beasts lair I burst through the door unsheathing my sword and cried aloud "Back you minion of the underworld - I, SNOGGO have come to free these midgets from your evil grasp."

Before me I beheld a sight like no other I had ever seen - a midget orgy - and right there in the centre of these shrunken, stunted and unusually hairy excuses for women I beheld none other than my despicable, wealthy, adulterous, hunchbacked excuse for a brother - my mortal enemy Egbert! For once, I, SNOGGO stood dumbfounded - naturally having already killed Egbert in spectacular fashion I was momentarily confused until I remembered that my mother (the beggarly, common whore) had once given birth to twins and had sold one of the pair to feed her foul drinking habit (she had gotten quite hooked on absinthe served in a tankard with melted black bean cheese by the time those retarded devil children were born, perhaps it was a pregnancy craving, it killed her in the end of course - fucking mad bitch) - before me I beheld the disgusting twin of that bastard Egbert, drool pouring from his crooked mouth and snot streaming from his crumpled nose and pus oozing from the numerous boils covering his chin! I gathered myself (keeping in mind this filthy creature had no idea that he could be related to someone as radiant and stellar as me) and used my most formidable voice - "Release these downtrodden midgets and face your fate you depraved bastard!" He grunted but did not seem to notice me - perhaps he was also dumb, deaf and blind????

I advanced on the creature and with one swing of my sword I beheaded him, from forth
his vile neck spewed a fountain of bile and pus, but in the midst of all this the naked midget women began to dance and sing and worship me, SNOGGO, as their Saviour - they brought forth the least hairy and runty midget among them and she 'offered' herself to me in a bizarre and blatantly sexual dance! I shrugged my shoulders and then, being slightly horny after my exertions, took the little bitch by her hairy ankles and relieved my self into her foul smelling hole! She squealed like the little piggy she was! The midget women seemed to be quite in awe at the size of my manhood and I knew that they would no longer be satisfied with the inadequate puny cocks of their pygmy husbands but what could I do? After I was sated I left the castle of my now dead, long lost brother and spoke to the midget community of men telling them I had finally freed them from their oppressor and that they could now go and live in hairy bliss with their runts of wives.

They thanked me and I went on my way in search of something to relieve me of the memory of my episode with that squealing little cunt who allowed me to take her so openly in celebration. Finding only a stray sheep (and not being picky) I engaged in some bestial buggery and left in search of my next adventure.