While least I pride, and dear I do
For thy hath nothing more to say,
That idle die and here I lay
-My leaving is your life's accrue,
In thought, that we as lovers feel
One's morbid state of shock can find
A motionless desire to move,
What I remember cannot prove
Is something that I left for you,
A token of my love's portray
Be full and that thy treasure may
In turn provide more revenue.
To execute these noble deeds,
That I alas, fetch tinder wood
A fragile phrase which understood
How precious were those seeds,
Which elevate your realms of worth
That give to you my whole estate,
Your prize is under body weight
Before I'm put to earth.
Author notes
Be full and that thy treasure may
In turn provide more revenue.
A contest entry
- I challenge you by Ilma.
800 points, ended August 2, 2007, 26 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Very cool. I love the way you have embraced an older time period of language. It certainly adds to the validity of your piece. Very clever!
You have some really strong emotion in your piece, not just from the situation you have described but from your particular choices of words and phrases.
A very wonderful write! Great Job!!
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I am speechless, well almost...this is an amazing write, your use of launguage is supurb, it drew me in and kept my interest to the very last word. Good luck in the contest.
Cathy
♥x♥x♥
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Each time I read your poems it takes me to different relams and in a way sparks my imagination..a lovey and touching read. Good luck in the contest..take care
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Wow!
Penned with beauty this meter and flow melts into my mind. You know the worth of your legacy as being a prized treasure. I love this, well done!
Love,
Amera ♥
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wow I love the cadence ,the pace of the piece and the launguage are exemplary- for some reason it makes me think of Poe? possibly thats just my fancy though!
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"While least I pride, and dear I do", at first glance I thought you meant dare I do, but then as I read on, I saw the intricate depth of a couples life and the desires of one who wishes to leave a legacy behind, if not at least money... your rhyme scheme is impressive and very thought out, brings a level of flow that is so seemless that I didn't even realize there were rhymes till I was almost done, partly due to the brilliant vocabulary used as well. Great job on this, I'll have to check out more. -Jacen.
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Very good use of language and rhyme, the flow was great, I loved it, very emotive poem, good luck
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