Why'd you leave me,
I can't let go,
I need you baby,
I love you so.
When you died,
I died too,
I sit and cry,
and think of you.
Since you left,
my life is nil,
my heart is broke,
I love you still.
I can't let go,
I need you so,
come back to me,
and I'll be free.
You are my king,
my soulmate too,
without you,
my life is through.
A contest entry
- I challenge you by Ilma.
800 points, ended August 2, 2007, 26 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Break My Heart by WayWithWords.
1187 points, ended July 25, 2007, 22 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Rhyme and Rhythm by DarkSunRises.
450 points, ended July 29, 2007, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Wow this had a lot of emotion in this. really personal I see. nice job with this.
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Even though each stana had a rhyme scheme, the same pattern didn't follow through the whole poem, and it made it very difficult to get through as one piece. The rhythm was very short but very good and the feeling behind this poem is heart breaking. A very good write.
Thank you and good luck.
- DarkSun -
it's got such sadness to it. I liked the flow and rhyme!
Thanks
WWW*
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great sadness
you can feel the sadness in this one.. an overwhelming loss such as this and you totally bring this to the reader..since you left my life is nil, my heart is broke I love you still.. excellent line.. great job and good luck in the contest...
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I can relate to this, and it hurts so much when the one you love dies, I feel you could have done more with the imagery, and used more emotive language, good work and good luck
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