Mistakes that this sweet girl makes
Traveled in nightmares she lies awake
Memories she holds like a sweet candy cane
Closer to her soul, one of the real insane
She sleeps silently all balled up in fear
Night after night she cries wishing he was near
Darkened eyes to match the hate inside
Loving the death he brought her as the birds cried
Yellow and pink colors danced in her mind
While black and blue were on the outside
She sleeps silently with no one there
Night after night she wishes they cared
Burnt up skin like a beaten memory gone
Animals so wild, the hurt we are dwelling on
Sacrificed life on a stake to replenish the sins
Even in this game Jesus proved you cant win
She sleeps silently cold and pale white
Night after nights no more shes as dead as a silent night
Author notes
Segment one: question and answer time Authors name:dazedXdesires- Real=Nicole Age:17 Genre of poetry: Varies Collaborations: Varies How many other round contests have you entered: I believe 4 or 5 most didnt make it to an extra round only about 4 or 5 did How often are you on AllPoetry: Constantly who has been your inspiration to write: not who what. My past is my main focus. Random thoughts. Lyrics Your likes: Writting, Singing, New experiences, New people Your dislikes: Cocky poets {sorry, I am not big on the I am better than you stuff}, Judgmental people... not too much more.. sorry Why are you auditioning: I like to let people see who I am. plus I like to read and learn what others are like and this contest seems good for it. Segment two: Describe yourself One of the things that I really like about myself and that I believe makes me semi unique is that I like to hand out advice to others based on the issues in their life. My life has not been the greatest and I know a lot of situations that others seem to be placed in. I like to believe that I can relate on people on a very personal level. I write because I feel it is one of the best ways for me to vent and to clear my head of the disasters that are going on around me. When I get depressed or angry I can sit down and the pen will just stream out stanzas that express me and how I am feeling. Segment three: We challenge you to show us your best POEM ABOVE :D I think that you should ahve it luv instead of love...love seems realistic where as luv is a word used when it isnt realy there
BLACKENED HEART
there's some parts that are hard to understand so if there's any where that you may not understand please just ask.... and if your a godly person thats not suppose to be a stab at god... Its just stating that Jesus was a sacrifice to replenish our sins yet how many people are not converted to that religion? Does that make sense..i'll further explain if you ask
Hope you all enjoy it
A contest entry
- ♥ Blackend Love ♥ by stop a bullet.
385 points, ended August 5, 2007, 23 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrites by February Moon.
1750 points, ended July 31, 2007, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Do you deserve this? by Never Fall in Love.
850 points, ended August 14, 2007, 60 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Slain Dreamer by Ayla YellowRose.
1600 points, ended September 20, 2007, 30 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Creative Poet- Audition Round by x-Black-Butterfly-x.
300 points, ended April 28, 2008, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Do you have emotions? by Forgotten Anomaly.
550 points, ended October 27, 182 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Tick me off. or please me your choice. by Black Wolf.
1150 points, ended March 28, 32 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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good luck in the contest with this imaginitive and emotional write , thank you for entering and keep up the good work
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Tragically Delicious
Splendid imagery...the pains of abuse evident...sad and yet still captivating
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Good job.
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I liked the answers to your questions. Very strong piece here to. Best of luck
Delila -
this is packed with deep emotional imagery that tugged at my heart and was powerfullly written. your answers are strong. well done
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Oh... This is so packed with emotional imagery.
Really tugged the heart strings.
Excellent writing.
Delila
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it was definitely a very hard time in my life... I was being beat By a b/f and I had so many emotions tied up that I had to let escape....
Its one of my favorite poems by myself though.
thank you though
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This is great!
I really love this!
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thought provoking
the back-ground is a little hard on the eyes, hun.. aside from that, i must agree with the comments before mine, specifying on rhyme and flow. mine end up breaking up in certain parts at times, whereas this went smoothly all the way to the end, whach was pulled together nicely with
"She sleeps silently cold and pale white
Night after nights no more shes as dead as a silent night"
the two-liners at the end of poems completed with 4 line stanzas always appealed to me personally. ^.^ take care. laterz
--kaTy
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Great rhyme and flow, I have to agree with the comment below me...
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Wonderfully done. Great rhymes and flow. Thank you for entering, and good luck to you.
Chelsea
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This is so sad!! I love it! There is so much emotion put in it!! Keep up the good work and feel free to check out my page anytime!!
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This is a very deep and emotional poem. I love all the feeling you put into it.. it really helps it.. The form was great, and so was the flow. i enjoyed reading it. Best of luck in the contest and thank you for entering it!
}{aley -
Bravo
I used to be a Religous person and i understood exactly what you were trying to say... Marvalous
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Yea I use to be religous too...well I have writtings upon writtings on godly shit..thats what God is..shit.....rules that are so absurd....hehe I wrote that the bible was written by a crazed critic that said hey I think I want to be God and make people do as I say....come to think of it I receieved a lot of hell out of them writtings hehe the good days
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