If God were a chipmunk there’d be no more NOTs
just cheeks huge and paunchy from gathering GOTs.
‘Shells’ will be plenty; piled up to the clouds
and friends will collect in huge, riotous crowds.
Our loves 'shell' include every hand in the land
and pockets and baggies which hold every brand
of sweet gourmet peanuts and dear sisters’ hearts
who laugh at our antics then gently depart.
We lie about stealing and bury whats best
then size up the comforts of neighboring nests.
Desires for our cohorts and wide white striped wives
result in siestas as our cute species thrives.
Nothings forbidden to chipmunks. You'll see
the men do hot can-cans in Chipmunk Paree.
For here in our wild world we idle ourselves
and sip on our six pack (of course packaged in twelves).
Our prayers are all answered toot suite, with panache.
On Sunday we all shimmy down on our stash
to savor our blessings as the head Chip Monk speaks
while we cram acorn wafers in the pouch of our cheeks.
Our main Mecca rests in the yard of one gal
who proves everyday she’s the chipmunk’s best pal
and, though she wears striped socks with seams slightly odd,
her yard is Nirvana so come join our JIHAD!
A contest entry
- If God Were A...... (Contest) by galfalfa.
625 points, ended July 18, 2007, 8 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Just for fun to put a smile on the judge's face
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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If God were a chipmunk
we'd all be nuts
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Of course it should have won
A fun poem ~ yes. A satire ~ indeed!
Your central thesis is our undisguised greed and lip-worship of the great God whom we glorify in our own image. Full marks.
Ron.
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Great fun!
gal must have really got a kick out of this one!
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An affinity for muslin aye¡! That was a great crack¡! Not sure about chipmunk heaven… I haven’t seen much of them but if they are like squirrels, they are all nuts¡!
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Rarely do I see you write verse which may be more the pity as you do it well. This certainly rates well on the cute meter.
David
I could have given you this comment. I clicked onto a featured poem only to realise I had been banned from commenting on Cannonfire's usually laboured prose. However she got a comment from a demented fan who said,
I wish I could right as amazing of poetry as you can...good job!
One would have to go to a recovery ward to discover a chestnut such as that.
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If God were a chipmonk, I would be so better of come the Judgment Day. I mean, then there would be such a great explanation why nuts were the focus of much my time and purpose. As you point out, it would be permissible for "Desires for our cohorts and wide white striped wives / result in siestas as our cute species thrives." And desire for cohorts and white striped, black striped, red striped and any other type of wife already wreeks havoc with my sleeping patterns. You never even mention in this delightful piece the fact that there would be such a better explanation for my fixation on spending so much time in deep, dark and most holes. I never made the connection until this composition that Chipmonks were Nirvana fans, like the final line indicates. But the Alvin and the Chipmonks were a band too, so I can see them admiring Kurt Cobain out in the yard. Indeed, I can fully appreciate that "grunge-rodent" has a future.
So I completely agree with the sentiments of the poem.
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NoIQ
Always a joy to follow your mind as you follow mine and here you've added your special twists which make your comments a thrill. (watch out for growing fungus in those deep, dark, moist holes. I hear they can be quite fetching!)
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are u a Muslim??
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Nope, not a Muslim
but I do have an affinite for muslin.
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great work
Our main Mecca rests in the yard of one gal
u are really onelucky girl, how did this poem only by grace given.please could u do me a favor by telling us what u mean by that, and the lat word there u mentioned jihad. u really blended everything well.
u must be a must, right??
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As gal is well-known for treating her chipmunks to incredible feasts and affection, I saw her yard as the equivalent of a religious experience for those who travel there.
As I have no particular faith as far as religion is concerned I decided to borrow images from a few different ones.
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What an excellent piece of humour my sort of poetry I enjoyed every word every line of it Excellent Good luck in the contest
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Put a smile on my face? You're a heart smile my dear through and through - loved this and i love you,
galfalfa
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A holy war indeed. I can imagine no nut would be safe in that kind of company..lol. Best of luck in the contest and may God bless Gal and her sultry wives.
Sincerely,
Leo Long
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