the room speaks
of the times we had that were great
speaks of sudden loses
the room filled with memories loving,gentle, caring, hating
filled with the hatred toward others who hold her down
filled with love for those whom lift her up
tell her to soar like a bird in the sky
the room speaks of
the love and care for the one she loves
it tells of the many times they have layed
wraped up in each other
pretending like there is no one around
its just the two of them
alone here in the moment forever
the room speaks
of all her life
going from great to good
bad to worse
then to great again with only him
Author notes
so i havent ever really figured out free verse and verse because i write like i know how so please let me know if i have indeed done what is needed.
A contest entry
- the room i write in by truembrace.
600 points, ended July 20, 2007, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
well, you did a solid job in writing a free verse poem. it's essentially non-rhyming and normally a short story form (that is generally left aligned which this would need an edit to be "flush" left against the margin). the use of poetic devices such as imagery and alliteration is key - focusing on soft relationships of sounds or even the click of some consonants, without going overboard... such as "chunk of change"..."neighbors weigh" - where the "ay" sound sort of catches your ear.
There are a few edits on here to polish this fully -- a spelling error here and there that aren't significant, but that do take the attention away from the poem. (loses v. losses and "wrapped" needs two p's). Other than that, such a tremendous job in weaving this poem together.
so many lovely sentiments in this you share with us... thanks so much for entering.
Kim -
i wonder who this is about...
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