Let's Pretend

Please god,
Tell me I’m dreaming
Lie to me
Let me languish in denial
Let’s pretend that this all never happened
Let me be blind to the pain
I’ll stay in this blurry haze of not knowing
If it was real or all just a nightmare
I’m missing chunks of reality
But let’s say I was asleep not dissociating away from the pain
I’m being held hostage in my own head
Praying that I haven’t been victimized
The confusion and guilt over what might have happened
Threatens to suck me under
Yesterday’s events come to me in bits and pieces;
A hand where it shouldn’t have been,
Menthol scented breath in my face,
Wetness between my legs,
A feeling of being dirty,
Stained,
Violated,
Ruined,
The whispers and grunts and spit landing in my ears
Let’s pretend it didn’t happen
Let’s pretend it was all a product of my vivid imagination.
Let’s sew shut the wounds torn open by my fears
Let’s smooth away the lumps and gaps in my memory
Let’s say that I’m bruised and bloodied from a too rough game of tag
Let’s pretend nothing happened.
Let’s pretend that I’m okay.