You forgot to return
my heart,
and hand me back the key
to my life.
You know well enough,
that I'm too untrusting
to change the locks,
to let anyone
close enough to keep
you away.
Your deposit was
your malice, pure and black.
At least you left me...
something...
Author notes
Hope you guys got the metaphor of my heart being a home... and if you didn't before, I hope you do now. XD
A contest entry
- Forgotten by Melodies.
475 points, ended July 15, 2007, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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Feeling this!!! Gotta go, but love it, especially the end.
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OMG! HOW DEEP...IT SPEAKS 4 ITSELF! I LOVE IT!!
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Hmmm, the word 'untrusting' is difficult on the ear when I read it aloud, but the idea that you really don't want to let anyone take the place of 'she who left' is well expressed. I like the metaphor, seems self-explanatory to me. Good stiff drink of a poem...Peace, Rhonda
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the metaphor is clearly stated without the authors note...my favorite passage was:
You know well enough,
that I'm too untrusting
to change the locks,
to me this is what ties the whole write together
excellent work
best wishes in the contest
peace Muddy
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Wowww. A beautiful poem. The starting line renders a great effect into the poem
You forgot to return
my heart,
and hand me back the key
to my life.
It is really touching to see the plight of the lover. The poem has got wonderful imagery and flow. Keep up the good work.
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Yes I definately understood the metaphor, once that key is given away it is hard to ask for it back, instead, we just let anyone in, never expecting them to lock the door from the inside and stay.... you pour a lot of emotion into this piece, it is something I can definately relate to in my own way and from my own experiences. Well done on a great job, I wish you also the best for this contest
Karen
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The poet has written a concise write with impact,the brevity of the weight of woe is felt,though the metaphor of key is not new it is an apt metaphor and every door has a different lock just as every individual has their own pain locked in,would like to suggest that perhaps "untrusting" may work as "trusting" instead for the character is saying they won't change the locks,not a criticism but an observation,your decision dear poet
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Very smart and metaphorical.
A poem that makes the reader smile and think that you used some perfect words, like "malice, pure and black." 
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Yeah, I understand this..a little too well for my taste *sigh* Oh well, it was a great write, with good use of extended metaphor. I liked how I understood what you were talking about right away, I didn't have to reread it or think on it too much. A great write, filled with emotions most can relate too.
Kaitlyn
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i really like this,
but the whole comparing your heart to a home,
was kinda unclear.
i think just making a clairfications at:
"to let anyone
close enough to keep
you away."
would make it easier to understand. :]
but either way,
i really like this poem.
i totally know how you feel. : -
Sometimes the only thing left to do is leave the door wide open... when the one we love doesn't even bother to wipe their feet on the welcome mat as they come and go, the pain is unbearable at times. I love the way you phrased this poem. Many of us have felt this way at one time or another... know that you are not alone.
Love and luck in all you endeavor!
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