I tried to close the pain
into the deep well of my heart,
covering it with morning’s veil.
A rooster’s persistent cry
aroused the light to a new day.
While I was trying to keep my eyes dry
you, silent behind the mist of your gaze,
let your tears drop,
each a piece of living coal piercing me
and my whisper ran out...
Please, don't cry.
I will go
now.
Please, don't look at me.
I tried.
My heart running insane,
the wish stronger than words...
I turned my face to look at you once more.
Anguished, our kisses met mid of the air
and blackbirds stopped their song
to listen to our silent plight.
Author notes
This is anonymous contest, please don't mention my name.
Thanks in advance for your kind comments.
In a list
A contest entry
- Aubade, modern please by cvillelisa.
900 points, ended July 27, 2007, 11 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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how sad here the words are so breathtaking your work is phenomenal since i was last here, such smoothness witha flowing cascading dream of emotions
again beautiful
abigail xx -
Cock
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I never had shorter comment, I think.
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I think the idea of Rooster is a really great one for an aubade. I would have liked to have seen that concept developed more. Thank your for entering the aubade contest. Lisa :)
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Outstanding
You create a great sense of sadness in this poem - a real feeling of loss. The language is subtle and sophisticated and you create vivid imges that draw a fine picture. This is a romantic, emotional poem that speaks of love. Best of luck in the contest.
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Your images and emotions are very clear, this is the kind of scene which makes my eyes wet. You remind me that my husband feels pain when he sees my tears, so I keep them hidden - though it is self-defeating. Sharing life is sharing pain too - thank you for this wise poem.
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Such a gentle sadness you've penned here...made me think that nothing should separate lovers; there should be no goodbyes. Lovely, soft-spoken poetry with so many wonderful images.
~ Nicolette
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