Scary monsters beat a path to my door,
what should whirl is still.
Jack Sharp is just another shill
stalled in the game.
after this Paradiso we should retire.
to extinction.
gracefully.
Thou failure, Man.
as to that which Mother knows
flagrant child
hiding with your mice under the bed.
Enkidu from the wilderness,
from before
from Mother born,
to sound and radiance.
First light,
the movement of words
in the wind.
The music in the clash of the worlds,
Tympani of constant collapse.
Worn out, reborn, only to die again.
Should you fall asleep on Circe’s lap,
and that world was deep
fraught with a malignant ocean,
cold, without hope
should you call it love,
first light
the movement of words?
that which frees the soul
the true face of despair
grey and blank,
uncaring.
Where are you?
Author notes
wind & fire
Artwork: Matt Barron, http://mattbarron0.tripod.com/
In a list
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Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Impressed, definitely.
I found this to be very demanding for a poem, and I like that a lot.
I'm the same way with music- I want to listen to something that Will. Not. allow itself to become background music. I want to be forced to pay attention- and I was.
Last stanza = Perfecto.
-Allura
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I think the contradictions and (what I take to be) asides keep me from formulating a clear conception of the point on first couple reads. Of course, I could just be dull. I think I get the message, ultimately, and the use of Enkidu is a very nice application. The replacement of Circe for Shamhat is very clever and apropos... it works in a straight forward fashion, but the shift from woman-who-civilizes to woman-who-makes-us-beasts is pretty inspired.
The first stanza was very strong. Even though I had to look up Jack Sharp, the impression came through clearly... made me think of Yeats. But after this statement of things out of balance, where monsters move and "what should whirl" (the good, the true, the beautiful) is still, we are next confronted with this state characterized as "Paradiso." The Italian seems effected, but more than that, the figure simply fails to resolve.
If I take the legend extended to transform the first stanza into the paradise of eden before the fall, and the "what should whirl" as civilization, then a true causal or heuristic link leading to "extinction" is difficult to figure out: the early wild paradise of Enkidu is followed figuratively by extinction as he turns against the animals. I read this as prompting an acceptance of fate, but with "extinction" (given current dominant use) I can't discern between acceptance of Enkidu's ultimate death or of his slaughter of the animals.
I try to look forward in the poem to resolve this, but there is a strong shift signified by the period after "Man." The periods bracketing the flagrant child stanza, also leave me hung. "As to that which mother knows"... what? It is hard to integrate this stanza with either the preceding or with what follows. Also the repetition of mother knows and from mother born create a presence for mother which seems to raise a mother/son as well as man/woman dynamic... the first never resolves for me. In fact stanza three sounds lovely, but I am left unclear as to how it advances the poem.
Stanzas 4 and 5 are clear and well-written. The tie-ins to creation, the word, and sound come across very well. This includes "from before from mother born." I like the phrase, it's only in combination that it raises unresolved questions.The last two lines of stanza five allow you to work the clear comparison contrast in the final three stanzas... you set up the cycle, allowing you to abstract from the beginning to the end and back as we contemplate Circe's lap.
Those last three stanzas also come across clearly, being well written. The final line didn't work well for me at first, largely because I was in a very confused state. Later, I read the poem as if it started with "Enkidu from the wilderness," and the line worked much better... the sonic parallel of the line to Enkidu came across better, and the line seemed to reflect the poets own state of confused ambiguity... When the whole poem is shifted to an address to Enkidu, the angsty cry works.
Loooong comment summarized: I'd recommend dropping the second and third stanzas. Obviously, I may be missing the significance, but for me they muddy the myth, draw my attention away from the address/appeal to the god/mythic figure, and at best simply repeat in formulaic form what is expressed much better through the first stanza, the evocation of the myth, and the message stated more clearly to end the poem. They are beautiful, but I personally think the poem stronger without them, or with adjustments.
Great work, Lute.
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I am not familiar with the legend of Enkidu, but I get from this like the music of the spheres. I love the repetition of 'the movement of words' is somehow get under the skin with a 'yes of course how so can it be other'. This is a poem I think that you must breathe in and exhale like a mellow sobranie.
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excellent
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you see this made me smile.. cause I listened to a recitakl of the tales of Gilgamesh on BBC Radio 3 last weekend.. (my friend from work, also called Tom, recommended it)
so I was transported into a mythical world of beasts and men... it was wondrous
I shall come back to this again...
as the roast beef is screaming out in the kitchen
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