Were it by Sunday I be known,
in the golden mass of worship,
hell’d be playing dice with my attitudes
tallying with devotions.
Or forthright Monday , its zealous head-on,
industrious from caffeine placebos
a cocky chin, soon dwindling
fallen by a clock at five.
Rolled into Tuesday , a fitting chance
to wear vestments of primmed obliging,
a diet of seaweed and clout,
soon wishing to miss its presence.
Leave the news for Wednesday’s mash
making due phone calls to far -away cousins,
Affording only a casual bow for pasta talk
juicy chat and milky plans.
Though rock and storms plague Thursday ,
all of Heaven brings this person to tasty poise-
a salient nobility-some selfless peace
I didn’t remember praying for.
That kick in Friday’s pants demotes me
as I contemplate addiction, slam into walls
with trucks of mystic candles , Mary Kay ,
carbohydrates and false esteem.
Tiny kinds of suicide, view of path or find
Sightless moseying- sinking into a Saturday bed
undone laundry sheets, dried egg yolk plates
and little place to lay my head.
*Reprise*
(Rendering all schedules
those odd-ball Thursdays say-
must be because,
I take a pause,
and let God have His way!)
Author notes
I am always willing to explain if you find my work hard to understand. I'd much rather you ask and critique than leave feeling disappointed and in the dark- and spend points! Please ask. Thank you.
Written August 26th, 2003
In a list
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What did you think
Comments
1 - 29 of 29
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sounds like my life, actually, in some odd sense. great poem. each day is a different event. hehehe.
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I really enjoyed this piece. Days of the week- and for me monday's worst!
This poem really amde me smile. I loved the simplicity of the lines and yet the depth of the piece was amazing! I really enjoyed reading this piece! Nice write dear poet!
lonely shouts
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I liked this a lot. Yes, it was hard to understand at first, but the meny rereads were well worth it. "some selfless peace / I didn’t remember praying for" that was my favorite part. The little limerick reprise was great- made me smile.
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I can't believe you read one of MY FAVORITES! LOL. I was just thinking about this little piece of inspiration the other day. Wondering....................all the special individuals who would choose this one above so many!
Thank you so much ..lol. It was one of those cold, but definite progenies!
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Thanks so much for your welcome. Love your poem, funny and it mad eme think about the weeks to come.
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Wow! What week; great
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I don't know if see quite as many sililarities between this peice and the one of mine you decided to critique (thanks by the way
) but i believe the overall tone was the same. Some of the meaning in this poem may have been lost on my as I usually stray away from anything with religious themes but I did enjoy it muchly. Much better structure then mine anyway...lovely peice
ZIGGY -
This was really cool. It's not the usual humor poem, it's unique and smart. Sounds like you're a busy woman! I especially enjoyed the 'Friday' stanza. Fantastic write, I loved the way you pieced the chaos together.
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Very Very Very Good
I like it alot. I whole LOT. And I agree, thursdays are awkward days, I think I begrudge them more than mondays... AWW!!! :-)
I like "and let God have his way" because I feel like we need to do that daily(but we don't always do that).
God Bless -
Great!
This is quite clever CookieZeal. It very well exibits how we can get so caught up that we sometimes need something to remind us that everyday belongs to the Lord.
I guess because He rested on the Sabbath that we are inclined to rest but He also blessed on that day which caused much controversy.
As a child in the Baptist faith (which I am no longer, as an adult), we were not allowed to do any work on that day (Sunday). No washing, ironing or anything of that nature. Then when I grew up, and discovered that the real Sabbath according to the Bible, which I read, believe and understand as my spiritual food, is on Saturday. Boy was I disheartened. So now I just follow the teachings of Jesus, and let Him show me the way no matter what day it is.
This poem brought me to a whole new sense of understanding, and delight. Thanks for your insight and wonder. This read made me see that everyday is so important, and I need to stop, and say thank you, and give the Lord some time.
Much Love,
Renee
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industrious from caffeine placebos
:0 this is me everyday, once again an amazing write -
I like this one cookie.
Not much of a comment I know, but I am lost in my own thoughts...just wanted to let you know I was here and enjoyed
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this definitly had to be the best verse.
'Tiny kinds of suicide, view of path or find
Sightless moseying- sinking into a Saturday bed
undone laundry sheets, dried egg yolk plates
and little place to lay my head.'
tis a tiny journey i think, of not only a week, but how weeks turn to month and so on so forth. how ruts are created, rituals athersers, and in a thousand tiny little ways, we kill ourselves a little every day.... wonderful observation in this peice, i think.
arden
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thank you so much for welcoming me to the site!!! i read a few of your poems and this was my favorite! i like the idea of days of the week and different feelings and attitudes for each day... i was wondering "hm, i wonder what will happen friday." im enjoying the site very much, thank you so much for your comments!
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"pasta talk
juicy chat and milky plans"
Fantastic line thre above is.
"...selfless peace
I didn't’t remember praying for"
Is an insight that does what insights do best: hit one right between the eyes: "omigosh that is so true!"
I do not like your theme. BUt the way you conveyed this, the self depreciating wry humor, and life affirming positiveness that permeates throughout this work makes it more than a worthwhile read after all. -
Very Good
Amen. Let go and let God. Seems like everytime I don't things get fiddle faddled. I hope your dad's stomach surgery goes well and your mom's knee surgery. I know what you mean about bad timing. At the same time my mother was dying my room mates mother was having double knee surgery. Thank God for Hospitality House across the street from the hospital so I could be with mother from morning until night for 17 days. We even had a slumber party one night with a nurse doing my mom's hair and powdering her up with Jean Nate' bath powder. Prayers sent your way...Oh and I love your poem and it was this poem that made me think. Yes, it is best to let go and let God. Be sure to eat even if it just a banana or a slim fast so you don't get run down while your parents are in the hospital... Oh...and there are lots of services the city provides for free (including railing around tub and other places in your house at front entrance. Lots of cities have meals on wheels to. And...the hospital Social Worker can tell you about all these services. I found out once when my mother was in the hospital and I was amazed what all is done for senior citizens. You may know all this but I didn't so... Sending prayers your way
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Fun write
I loved this poem, Dianne! Flipping through the calender, each day "has sufficient unto its own" - and, we women mostly think in terms of food and household chores, whether we are professional or not!
What I really, REALLY ENJOYED, is this wonderful tongue in the cheek phrase:
" ... this person to tasty poise-
a salient nobility-some selfless peace
I didn’t remember praying for."
Hahahahaha
Ek lê soos ek lag!
(Figure that one out - and nope: I am NOT going to help you LOL)
Hugs.
Myra -
Thank you, Keeping!
Actually, it's a parody of sorts. If you are familiar with Jewish tradition, the Pharisees were excessively strict to the Mosaic law, and because of the desire to preserve the letter of the law, they failed to see the spirit which was forthcoming from Jesus who fulfilled it. From that , we see, in spite of human flaw and the worrysome of even on a day of worship, that God, will select at will a day that blesses me anyway because I am His child. ;). Breaking the mold of graven images (even in the heart), and idolizing one day over another.
His randomness is so precious. It is His specialty!
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Tragic in a way. That even on the Day of the Lord, you have trouble focusing on all that Thursday is.
I really liked this. Give into God and he will bring you great things.
Great write here! *smiles*
take care, many blessings, Criss -
great
Oh cool..... this is a really interesting and different sort of piece. I really like it a lot. Keep 'em coming.
Monk -
Outstanding write. Enjoyed it very much.
Great idea and was easy to read.
Sam
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This is a fun poem. It's great to hear people's take on their schedules and busy life. Very well written!
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I really enjoyed this! Hectic as it seems! It seems real. If ya know what I mean. It seems like the real world.
Excellent images.
Nicely stated. The rythym seemed to fit.
*stomps (right out of Thursday and moves up to Friday!) -
Was this the one you thought sounded like my style? I'm not sure about that - I don't really see it - but in the words of the mighty Tim Delaughter "suicide is a shame" (and understatement overstates everything)... Which day did he make all the terminal illnesses and stuff? I forget that -
I really liked some of the images, the cocky chin and the milkt plans most, but I don't think I really "got" then poem but I don't think people should ever "get" a poem the first time though anyway...
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I don't find it to be vague, did you work on it and change it? Anyhow, I like this alot. I think the days of the week add a great theme to the whole peice. I enjoyed this work, I like the way it was worded.
~*Flawed Destiny*~ -
thank you!!
I considered adding a conclusive couplet at the end , but thought leaving it to be /watched/ so-to-speak would be more fun. Uhhhh maybe not..hehehe...thank you
Okay. Edited. Done!
Edited on Aug 27, 1:20 p.m. because ''. -
cookie...
yes, i can see where you lost points with vague. the attributes assigned each day seemed to be either personally relatable or arbitrarily selected. perhaps that leaves the reader with less to grasp onto? that said, it was perfectly refined as far as form is concerned. you just have this way with language that leaves it etched into the reader. it's graceful in its chaos. the problem, perhaps, lies in the thursday assignment of relief. one would be left asking... why thursday? maybe looking for some old addage or "understood" truth to pull it together. just my take.
i did enjoy it, for the shape and language, etc, though the ability to really connect was elusive this time. -
Great
I like this, I had to read it a few times but I got the idea of how hectic life can be and I absolutely love how you tied it up in the last stanza:
Tiny kinds of suicide, view of path or find
Sightless moseying- sinking into a Saturday bed
undone laundry sheets, dried egg yolk plates
and little place to lay my head!
I say great job, I think anyone can relate -just by visualizing their own to-do's!
~M~ -
Well....Aunt Cookie dear what can I say sounds like you are on one busy hectic adventure called life and everythings coming at ya at once and the tornado is coming here and there trying turn you around in circles where its leaving you tired..And hon you do need desperate a vacation to Italy wanna go? Where least the escape will be pleasent and not lasting......This was very detailed but mature in parts but got the idea...... Can Sherry come help you clean up the mess of dried egg yoke? Love yas, Sherry
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