Pulsing red, gushing through my veins.
Head tilted, my back arched just the same.
Bodies writhing, sheets tossed aside.
Exuberant thoughts, racing in my mind.
Dripping flesh, friction barely present.
Vivid motion, evidently pleasant.
Astounding sensations, created in measure.
Orgasmic rhythm, filling me with pleasure.
Author notes
I tried to create a gentle erotic scene using little description and feeling.
A contest entry
- Erotic Erotic Erotic by neon nightmares.
330 points, ended August 29, 2007, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Poems That Should Have Won...But Didn't by trista.
1050 points, ended February 24, 2008, 44 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Sexy*Sexy Writes by Poetic Butterfly.
600 points, ended May 12, 2008, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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Nice, hott write nice rhyming and rhythm.
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a good piece of poetry, let the sheets go wild in the air's shimmers as bodies writhe in love's wonderful movement
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There's a lot I liked about this...nice word choices, rhyming that didn't feel forced, and good imagery. The title works in its simplicity. If anything, I'd say the main issue I see is that it's so short. I'd have loved to see you expand your thoughts even further. I think it's often good to leave your readers wanting more though, especially on a subject like this.
Thanks so much for your entry and patience; the contest will be judged within the next couple of days.
Best wishes,
J. -
wow, short and sweet. this is really good. love the wording. thankls for entering and good luck
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Very Sensual!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This was a steamy and passionate piece of poetry you have penned here. I don't think you left anything out at all. The use of metaphors described a deliciously eroctic journey here. This left nothing to the imagination but still displayed such vivid imagery. Just a great sensual poem here, and thanks for stirring some steamy thoughts in me tonight!!!~~Toni~~
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Liked It
Exuberant thoughts, racing through your mind!!!
Boy! I knew you were a girl then; I tell you there isn't enough blood left in my brain to have any thoughts when I'm having one! I think most guys are the same way, you could just about ask them anything and they'd just look at you with that kinda blank stare, like "whaaat." (LOL) ¦:¬{ That's real a good time to ask us for money. (LOL) I liked it, it's about an orgasm; you get my last three applause's for the day!
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This too is a wonderful write with lots of charming and heartfelt vocabulary. I was right, you have a great choice of words and you know when to use. The vivid scene was exccellent and this has been undoubtedly perfectly done. I appreciate you, keep writing. You write amazingly
Good job!!
Mansoor
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This is a delightful erotic poem that leaves nothing out yet does not resort to a "hard-on" approach, this has much more of a loving feel, of two people joining in happiness not merely lust (mind you lust is OK!) Very nicely done. Thank you.
Donald -
that was great. i really liked it. i could see the whole thing taking place.
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WOW!this is good i ain't tryna sound all gay and stuff because i am a man but this is good. i actually could see this picture in my mind. nicely done and great flow to it. return the favor.
RP
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