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Experiment 1

X, I stand
Center.  Bold.  Confidant.
Whispers blow about me
What is said?  What is expressed?
A hush.
A faint, protruding babble.
Brooke’s voice.  Incoherent.
Breathe.  Tranquil.  Less I disturb my company.
We
                                  I
                                                                      ght
                              Whispers again.  No hesitance.
                                  Movement.  A brush shaken.
                                                                A hush.

                                                            There’s a .
                                Moment in time with no time.
                                                                      eW
                                  I
thg
Individual shadows crawl.
Normality

Welcome whispers of which I center.
Brooke’s voice background to it all.

Author notes

I am beginning to play around with format and weight. This poem requires the reader to read passed the words themselves. There are two points where you must say the punctuation itself. Line 15 - 'There's a . (period)' and Line 21/22 - Normality (return).
Also, when it says We
I
ght
It is suppose to mean 'I shift weight, left to right'
and then later, when it reverses it, 'I shift weight back, right to left'.

Confusing yes, but I'm just having fun.. hope you enjoy

Please tell me what you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 5 of 5

  • kiwigirljacks gold member
    June 9, 2008

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    I have to say I really enjoyed your poem... the structure is great and really captivates!


  • rub mah belleh
    July 21, 2007

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    Wow, that's really amazing. You are right.. the way you write is quite similar to my own style. And that means I can relate to it. ^_^

  • AltruisticSociopath
    July 15, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Neeeet.

    I think of someone hiding and trying not to be heard in this piece. I like your language and word choice. The line "A faint, protruding bubble" is great. I also enjoy the structure of the lines. But according to your author's notes, I'm not sure that "ght" and "thg" convey what they're supposed to. For some reason I like them anyway, and they seem to belong in the piece.

1 - 5 of 5