your a vampire
yet you dont just suck my blood
you take my love
you take my energy
you take my pride
and its your stupidity
i thought this was true
but that bite just might
not turn out right
and i might not get
to be with you like
i wanted to
you said i love you
before you bit me
now i regret seeing your the
one who made me this way
now you must pay
a steak through your heart///if you have one///
its not a mistake its not fake
no but you were
now your with her
and when you bite her
and turn her into one of you
i hope you see
you were the one for me
and always will be
just cause you bit me
Author notes
i used your title Blood soaked smile
i really dont like the poem....i wrote what came to mind...even if i dont win i hope this inspiers you
♥
kayla
A contest entry
- Open! Open!! Read this!! haha by Dark Angel Reborn.
390 points, ended July 20, 2007, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
This is a very cool poem, the comparison to a special somebody. Very nicely written the flow was very smooth and Your final line leaves a lasting impression. This is a very nice poem keep up all the good work!
xDanielx -
great job.
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This was good. Not the best that i've seen, but it is good. I loved the idea you have going. I think if you were to go back later on and totally re write this...with just the same idea...you could have an outstanding piece...just because the idea is so original. I really liked it. One thing you could do though, is imply more, dont tell us, show us. Good job though, and thanks for entering
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Very good. I liked the flow, and I liked how you compared a vampire to a boyfriend...
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