I love breaking up
“Does someone have a card, an ID?”
I rummage through my back seat
for a cd case.
I need something hard
as we pull over,
in the middle of
white suburbia
letting the shadows
conceal our indiscretions.
Who would have imagined
addiction in the upper classes?
Dirty Fingernails
guttural noises;
the privileged
never looked so dirty
Murmurs of “hurry up”
I’m appalled.
Do you tell your pastor
to get on with his sermon?
Profane? No.
I am a delegate of fairness;
this is why I was appointed
the position
“Just shut the fuck up!
You’ll get yours soon enough”
Creating superfluous mountains,
I feel god like.
Don’t you know this is the best part?
This is the build up,
the climax, the orgasm;
the rest is just a let down.
A few quick flicks of the wrist.
Perfect rows of vigor,
ready to provide
doses of false hope.
Roll up your wealth
George, Thomas, and Abraham;
they all lend
a helping hand.
Snorted like an angry bull
and with as much intensity.
Cock your head to the side;
inhale the bitter taste of imprisonment.
It’s all over
And like an unsatisfied woman
after a rushed lay.
You wonder “Was that it?”
Author notes
Gluttons For Punishment
Applications are being considered for 6 new
members only- click on link below if
you are a fearless poet seeking to
learn dark writing, boldly exposing your psyche and seeking to impower your metaphors, or
how to write as a metaphor!
http://allpoetry.com/group/info/Gluttons%20for%20punishment?stay=1
In a list
A contest entry
- Simple complexity- especially for new members! by Menace.
650 points, ended July 16, 2007, 9 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Addictive Abuse by Abv. 01101001.
620 points, ended August 22, 2007, 12 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Drug of Choice by Intravenous Jesus.
2000 points, ended October 9, 2007, 8 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Oh, the City is a wonderful place. by The-Phoenix.
475 points, ended November 12, 2007, 4 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - "Quickie" Move me.... by Galaxy Bound.
300 points, ended December 3, 2007, 4 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Any length prewrties excepted...Topic Addiction (Drugs, Liquor, etc.) by mysticstorm.
475 points, ended January 21, 2008, 12 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 41 of 41
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I like this. There is nothing more to be said. Darkness among the 'elite', is one of the worst kinds of all. Drugs choose no one. You have stepped out of the box. Well done.
With
Dark
Wishes
Wayne Leon
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Cool. I knew (sadly) by the fifth line what it was about. Why else need something hard like a CD case? Anyways, the last stanza is good too. Cocaine always made me feel exactly like that when I snorted it, like wtf? I just wasted my money...
until space cadet glow,
Grimoire -
Wonderful metaphor and truth in your words...drugs have no preference to who you are or the money you have or do not have they are every where, in everyway...sad reality of life...you wrote this with such orginality and talent...very expressive and deep.
Thank you for sharing.
mystic -
this is really good (all those trophies kinda say it all really) very interesting. once i noticed the title i had to check it out, so great choice there. i loved the line:
inhale the bitter taste of imprisonment.
so much truth in one line. great analogising (is that a word?) and intersting layout. great work!
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We all sort of become monkeys when it comes to sex. It's a well known fact. Despite your claim, people often assume the upper class is full of decadence. But only mostly stupid poor to middle class people.
People usually become wealthy through self discipline and charisma. Their kids though...even though they are often total shit heads, usually get it together in time to make their lives comfortable.
Not always. -
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the poem isn't focused on sex, it's about drugs, I'm making the analogy to the dissatisfaction with drugs to sex.
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This was a very good read. I feel like i sort of relae to it in some ways. I think I will check out your other writes. You Got Talent!
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Amazing :-]
This is really brilliant! I don't have much to say except...it was amazing, lol.
It's written different than a lot of poems I read on here - I really like your style.
Overall - just a really great piece. Well done! -
Love it
From the title all the way down to the last word I love this poem. I feel inspired to write, either that or bust a mouthy rich kid's knee cap with a baseball bat.....hmmmm
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this is a nice poem. an interesting perspective.
peace. -
wow!
great!...keep up the wonderful work!
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Wow!
This poem kicks major ass. Would make an awesome skit.
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I love this! Well done. An enjoyable and interesting read, kind of ironic too. Congrats on the trophies!
~QoA
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Ah great! So this is what I missed when I was like a geek studying
I'm jealous. Thanks for sharing.
When can I get my fix too?
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this is so amazing.
i cant even describe how amazing it is. -
Interesting perspective.
I think this was very unique, you are writing about very powerful ideas here which affect many people. The personal approach you used got the message across yet it spoke for many things which I am still thinking about.
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Very interesting. Amazing job winning all those trophies, that is quite impressing
Quite interesting piece, but I'm not sure if I like it or not... -
hmmm interesting. i'm glad i checked it out.
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congrats on gold, i liked the write, i really don't know what the poem is really about though. it could mean so many different things, but it was good.
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Congratulations on winning so many gold cups for this fine piece of writing which, while it is a tad too profane for my own tastes, I cam surely recognize as good of its type.
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A thoroughly engrossing read. Kept me interested and thinking throughout, with a delicious ending. A lot of this reminded me of the intoxicated superiority you feel when you're hammered. Yep. The best line for me was 'The privileged never looked so dirty' Very well written, seamless and crisp.
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Congrats on the two gold, two silver and honorable mention trophies... this was very creative and interesting. I found it to be quite powerful.
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I am in recovery and I really Really felt the intensity of this. I remember living this lie.
This is a great write.
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this is some good stuf strong and powerful indeed i really enjoyed the read
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I really like this poem.
It has a very twisted undertone that I really enjoyed.
An emaciated blonde girl snorting crack only to complain about getting some of the precious powder on her Versace bag: that is what I’m imagining.
Great job. Thank you very much for your entry.
~Phoenix
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damn, you captured the essence of the drug here quite well!
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omg wow, now i think you are the best writer on this topic. i mean i have read poems of others about the subject matter but the metaphor and word choices you use are just wonderful. i was going to write a poem in reference to Marilyn Monroe but only because we used this BIG framed picture of her that we would take off the wall when we had parties. seems kind of sad and disrespectful to her now
very well done and deserving of the trophies i see on it
be well and be blessed
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I loved this so very much. I thought it had a real sense of unadorned reality to it. & that's refreshing, even in such a heartbreaking piece. Congrats on the trophies this has already won, and best of luck in the future contests!
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It's a bit hard to follow and there isn't much form, but the wording is magnificent.
Keep Quilling,
Whiskey -
"George, Thomas, and Abraham;" - is this in reference to U.S. currency bills? If so, who's Thomas? If not, never mind. It just seemed it was from the line before it. Well, Thomas Jefferson is on the $2 bill but it's a rare bill, and not produced anymore. Eh, just wondered.
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it is referring to currency and because of some personal memories with the 2 dollar bill, I put thomas in there =)
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A well done story here.
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This is just great. I really like it, good write!
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this is great
and well deserving
of the gold
and silver
that you have
for it already
DW -
i really liked this, it's very very vivid and some of it is pretty insightful.
nice work -
Hmm... This reminds me of so many times. Great write. Powerful, and simple, and just like life on the ghost streets.
thanks for entering. -
this was deep and truthful it was the best thanks for entering!
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great write well done and i hope you succeed in all you choose to do good luck..
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This is an amazing write thank you for your entry best of luck to you xxxxx
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ahh so this is the poem standing in the way of my gold trophy... immma b honest with you, i dont know what tha hell u r talkin about... leave me a mssg or cmmnt or sumthin explaining it!
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Good start
This is the type stuff I want in my contest. Very good. I'm not sure about the first line though. I kinda wished you had reflected on it a little. Good luck in the contest!
Don't reply back to this so you stay annonymous.
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