franz ferdinand pounds in my ears; i
let a pale hand dangle out the window;
my gold-red hair, illuminated with the
southern sun, flies with the notion that
we are bound in chains here.
the music is
beating, beating into coastal winds as
we fly to the ocean. we are free in this
place called oceansvillewhatever.
the music is
blaring from car radios of people of every
colour; “hola mami” pedro with the boom
booming 1987 chevrolet, the african man
and the baseball game, and us, with our
killer suv and indie beats, staring at the
oddity of palm trees and sunshine at
each traffic stop.
this is a california morning,
shrouded in its own lazy haze.
they wake, they wake, those men of
every colour, to the sun, to the day.
dreams, here, seem to rise like smoke
and hover over the cities, descending at
night to inhabit the minds of others, who,
leaning on their supper tables and shaking
their balding old heads, resent that they
ever dreamt at all.
today, i dream of dancing, of an old welsh
man who leans over the counter at a pub
wild with the victorious, and whispers just
to me: “quickly, now, with a flourish and a
dance!” i don’t know what it means, but he
does, and it is enough.
today, i dream of freedom, of men without
chains, of the life that could have been.
tomorrow, i will not dream at all; the thought
has its price, and i can only afford one day of
flourishing and dancing and feeling joy in the
pulsing music blaring from a shiny black jeep
in oceansvillewhatever.
Author notes
1) What can you attribute to the group?
I'm fairly active in the active groups I'm in, and I really enjoy giving advice, critiques, and comments to poets on the site.
2) What sort of poetry do you predominately write?
When I first started writing poetry six months ago, I wrote prose poetry, and still do (if you want an example, see "Plague" and "Walls of Jericho"). Nowadays, though, I'm experimenting with a lot of different styles, as I feel I need to expand on what I can write.
3) What are some of your hobbies?
Writing, reading, acting, musical theatre, languages, philosophy, cooking (albeit badly).
4) What is your pseudonym, or pen name?
Cristina Delaware.
5) What is your age?
Seventeen.
6) Are you willing to participate and host contests for this group?
Definitely. I'm saving my points for contests.
A contest entry
- Impress Me!!!! by katie-jo.
450 points, ended July 16, 2007, 11 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - For the connoisseur of poetry admissions by Deindichter.
525 points, ended August 14, 2007, 5 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Write about almost anything you want. by TheDevilInYourHead.
430 points, ended August 23, 2007, 61 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Tell me what you liked/didn't like and how I can improve.
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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i love this.
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first off, I enjoy the love you have for California, not because its california, just because its passion. Wonderful passion. I like the images, your word choice was superb, the use of repetition was done well and I enjoyed that very much. All and all good job. Best of luck in the contest
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I have read a lot of shitty entries in this contest. I am refreshed by this. It's interesting! I have not read anything interesting all day. It gives me a feeling, an image. That's what poetry does, and all goddamn day I have not read one. I love this. I've always linked the thoughts of the coast with music. They match to me. I've never been, but I understood everything you said.
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Great story. Thanks for the entry
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This is a very nice write. Thank you for your entry best wishes to you xxxx
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this is a great write. Even though i have never been to california, i know people that have and from what they say, you have pretty much covered what its like in your own way. once again, great write and good luck in my contest.
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"the music is
beating, beating into coastal winds as
we fly to the ocean."
I really like those lines. This is a very original piece. I have never been to california. I've never been to america at all. But I hope to go to new york one day. I have a feeling that I wouldn't like california either. -
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New York is amazing (up north, I mean, where you're surrounded by trees and lakes and you can see all the stars at night). California, not so much!
Thanks for the review!
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Although I really love certain areas in California, I absolutely love how you accentuated the worst characteristics about it, and very deeply described the setting. This is definitely a finalist!
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hahaha. You hate it... lol. People think Cali is great, but I have never been there. I felt like I was inside your head hearing this. I thought that was really neat. You gave me the message you didn't like it there by Oceansville-something whater. Great work.
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