Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

[juice box haiku]

I hear the hot sounds
Coming out of your panties
How your juice box throbs
 

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 8 of 8
  • Papagallo
    July 22
    Edit | Reply
    I like it I like it As I have told many of a girl "Between your thighs, your beauty lies"


  • KatherineAnne
    April 18
    Edit | Reply
    Another great write! =)


  • Clovis...Curious silver member
    June 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Superb

    Thanks for another smile, my friend. One of mine which I think you'll enjoy (amongest others) is the one I called: "Easing of Tension". here's the link to it:
    http://allpoetry.com/poem/2773208


  • storiesuntold gold member
    November 25, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    Each to his own I guess

    And to the point


  • Transcend All
    August 6, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    Transcend All

    Groovy OMG !! I love this !! Juice Box !!

    Namaste'


  • RedAquarius
    July 15, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    While I appreciate the different direction you went, it just doesn't wow me. I'd consider trimming it, haiku can be 17 syllables or less (and often is less). Also, I get the vibe you want, but line 1 (hot sounds) - just doesn't work - perhaps change it to something more like, "I feel the heat".

    Thank you for taking the time to enter. Good luck.

1 - 8 of 8