The Ten Commandments if God were Tony Soprano

1. I am Tony Soprano, the boss. Don't even think about putting any bosses ahead of me... and no pictures if you know what's good for you.

2. You disrespect me and you are dead, hear me... ask Tony B.. no wait... you can't ask Tony B... I whacked him.

3. Keep Sunday's open... I used to visit Pie-O-My every Sunday. Now, it's my bowling night. I use Ralphie Cifaretto's fucking head as my ball.

4. Respect your father or he'll smack you into tomorrow. Respect your mother, too... unless she tries to stab you in the eye with a fork or puts a hit on you, then cut the bitch off.

5. Don't whack anybody without my permission, especially if they are in the New York Organization. I don't need no mob wars. Oh yeah, try to whack me and you are dead.

6. No screwing around on your wife... well a little... maybe... personally, I have limited myself to just my Carmela... and Gloria Trillo, Irina Peltsin, Svetlana Kirilenko, Valentina LaPaz, Connie DeSavio and Charmaine Bucco. Oh yeah, a few dozen others that were just one nights.

7. No stealing... from me. Otherwise, I get my cut or your dead.

8. No lying... to me. Lying for me is okay... especially to the FBI or on the witness stand.

9. Don't think the witness protection program is gonna save you if you screw with me. My thumb prints are still in Febby Petrullio's fucking neck. You wanna piece of me?

10. No coveting my neighbor's stuff. He was the one who referred me to Dr. Melfi. I swear I would go nuts sometimes if it weren't for her.