so here are these petals
strewn
by the shoreline
you need only be tender
for a time
to gather them
and tend their bruises.
What says the king
and his brothers?
Break the knot
and slay the flowers
and the tree?
Even so.
we shall have tea
and be very civilized,
reading the future
and playing at charades,
while the breeze teases the flowers
and makes them promenade
twist in the shade
and lay like children
hiding from the sun.
In a list
A contest entry
- *POW* = Poem of the Week ~* by Arkbear.
500 points, ended July 16, 2007, 11 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
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Meaning on three levels
--having been aborted by power outage.
I want to start with this remarkable poem, lest it get lost in the grammar-rubble. It spoke in subliminal ways, as with deeper meanings not yet mentioned here. It deserved its GOLD.
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(Before someone jumps on it, I used 'get' instead of 'gets' because it needs the subjunctive, a statement contrary to fact.)
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It is immediate from the beginning (Webster's: immediate: Directly perceived) almost miraculously. It may not have been intended, but often poems that write themselves have this effect, making it possible to tune in. Even that just happens; it is not a deliberate act. So saying I wonder if this is even close.
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Petals, and kindness in their gathering. Personification (a form of metaphor) gives them living existence, injured now, and discarded. Only elderly petals fall. (Being of that age-group...)
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And yet...
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Plants are living beings, they grow, they eat and need water, they turn leaves to face the sun, they reproduce... Alive. Is it the dimness of our perception that fails to know their pain on being cut?
And so we mow lawns, clear brush, trees...
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In your poem is the "king" a personification of commercial interest? (Money uses living things as products to be sold.) Verse 2. The spokesman here is the king, "his brothers" are all whose life also revolves around money. Meaning makes the singular use of the verb correct because they do not all speak in chorus.
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[Semantics, the study of meaning, is also a singular word. Weird. Oxford dictionary. Goes to show the fallacy of general rules. ]
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Even so.
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So "we shall have tea
and be very civilized,"
Accepting that--what else can we do?
Filling our time with parlour games
.
while living free in Nature, another personification:
"the breeze teases the flowers
and makes them promenade..."
.
to dance...
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"breeze teases" has a nice sound, rather like 'promenade' and 'shade' and 'lay' all share the same sound.
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lay (the breeze does this?)
('lay them down like children' would have been grammatically correct, with a transitive verb.)
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"hiding from the sun." Of course in future with all shade trees converted into walnut furniture. Money again.
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This is what I had written on Notepad before copying to your page. The rest was deleted by hitting "Back." I suppose, having already forgotten what I said, anything that easily forgotten need not be said at all! I do know this: We have here a poem that is far far more than it at first, seems!
A great poem! Thank you
Terry
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Fix the subject-verb disagreement in the first sentence of S2.
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The usage is correct as it agrees with the nearest noun in a compound phrase. However, the laws of grammer in poetry should be a guide and not an iron fist.
In this instance, beyond such rules two issues emerge which need to be addressed; the idea of sound, and the limits of language. The first instance revolves aroud the idea of the metric word, in each of the instances cited, the stressed word is followed in making the predicate subordinate as it is the stressed word which is of primary importance. In the second instance one must be true to the voice of the poem, ie the speaker, personae, as Mr. Pound was wont to describe, it is dialect, however soft or faint, which must be followed faithfully for the timbre of his voice to emerge.
Thanks for noticing that.
Addendum, Further research points out,
(1) Compound subjects joined by and always require plural verbs: A horse and a cow were in the field.
(2) Compound subjects, when composed of singular nouns connected by or (or nor), take a singular verb:
A dog or a cat is good company. Then the complications begin. If one part of the compound is plural,
then the verb will agree with the number of the part closer to it: Either a companion or several pets are
necessary
The Columbia Guide to Standard American English. 1993.
further addendum:
A compound subject whose parts are joined by and takes a singular verb in two special instances.
1. When the parts of the subject combine to form a single item.
Correct: One and one equals two.
Correct: Cookies and cream is my favorite flavor.
which is stretching things a bit.
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Wow. This holds so much depth and meaning.
Great Job.
-Snow
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nice work. congrats on your gold trophy!!! you deserved it!! keep up your amazing work!
crimson -
Great write and congrats on the trophy. Thanks for sharing your work. Have a blessed Christmas and a wonderful New Year.
Jen -
You won gold.
Good.
It is another Bear. Someone once think this Bear is Niko Steiff Bear with the thing in his ear but that is me Bear The Bear not Arkbear. The Bear does not hold contests. He is too lazy.
Anyway yes the painting evoke many different emotions before you even read the pome. The accepted, the unacceptable. think this pome is about revolution.
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a lovely peice.
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You got a center aligned comment from the judge who gave this pomer a gold shiny.
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Whoa ~
If you have received this message, then your
Write will be considered for the Finals list ~
I want to thank you for participating
in the First *POW*, and I hope to see your Quill
brush us some more strokes next weekend ~
Very nice job ~
Bear ~
Even so.
we shall have tea
and be very civilized,
reading the future
and playing at charades,
while the breeze teases the flowers
and makes them promenade
twist in the shade
and lay like children
hiding from the sun.Brilliant!
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I sense the hesitation, not in your words or in the image, but what I like to call the Behind the Curtain- what is it that you are hiding from?
The nurturer (*is that even a word*) wants to race forth and tend to the needs that are hinted at here, while a smarter...or maybe just more jaded... part warns that there are some flowers that eat people!
The dark and light flashes that I got from this are sitrring! Keep it up! Great spill! -
I find myself struck without words between the child's glance straight at me
and your accompanying words. I've been hear about 25 times.
while the breeze teases the flowers
and makes them promenade
twist in the shade
and lay like children
hiding from the sun.
probably only a wizard could say that type of thing. or someone with a tender touch hidden under all that brother/king/breaking and slaying of above.
you wizard? or tender touch? both?
it is like finding a hidden secret. i love it.
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This is bloody lovely you know.
I like to think of children hiding from the sun at siesta time.
There are of course the other thoughts ofsuns that are too bright and breezes that are less benign, and wondering where all the flowers have gone.
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beautiful piece, nicely done keep writing
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Pretty good!
this poem is actually Pretty good.when i look into the poems people feature to get people to look at them,i usually don't like them but this one is beautifully written.Keep writing,You're a good poet.
-R.A.* -
let the world go by and think not of what is right, very good I really enjoyed this thank you
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I think this is beautiful.
It makes me think alot,
and it seems that there are so many hidden meanings.
But that could just be me, Hah, I tend to over analyze things.
Either way, very good write.
:] -
Gordian
I reckon the king and his brothers ought to wrapped up in the Gordian knot.
That's what I reckon.
Bruised petals
that's an image that will stick with a soul for a while
that and sunburnt backs like petals
i think
Lotsa claps for sure
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beautimous piccie...
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ahhh I wish i had long flowing hair like Rapunzel, so I could watch from my far far away tower and dream of being rescued like this...
so lovely and precious... it's like a picnic with the adults pretending to be kids and the kids being kids and those that don't want to be kids are just kickin' back
the toybox is a lovely place to sit and hide from all the troubles of the day, week, world.. I think I'll kick of my shoes and come and join you
time for
and 
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