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Heart Shaped Box

Heart shaped box

    contains grandmother's ring

        priceless heirloom           

 

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments


  • NoWayJo
    July 22, 2007

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    I was thinking this contest was to shape the words of the haiku somehow to make something of a picture of the haiku, but it seems words referring to shape also work. 

     

    Anyway, before reading the other comments left to this haiku, I actually formatted something of a heart-shape as the first line for this haiku, but I'm thinking your version reads better and clearer than the jumble of heart-shape I've tried to work-up here:

     

        h      e
    ar     t       sh
     a             p
        e        d
             b
            ox
     
    See what I mean???  :)
     
    Best wishes to you in the contest!
     
    Jo 

     


  • Pollycheck
    July 22, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Thank you for entering our workshop/contest, "The Shape of the Haiku." Good luck.

    Heart shaped box

    contains grandmother's ring

    love's priceless heirloom

    I like this haiku and the concept behind it. The only question I would have is, do you really think you need the word "love's in line three. Just a idea you might want to consider. In haiku, normally less is more.


  • azure85 gold member
    July 19, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I liked the idea for this haiku, can you think of an image or sense sensation for L3, I think it is a statement.