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Concrete Haiku 02

sunshine
brings blossoms
                         
winds
      beat
            the
                fruit
                      to
                          the
                              ground

is nature  crazy?

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

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Comments


  • Pollycheck
    July 21, 2007

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    Thank you for entering our workshop/contest, "The Shape of the Haiku." Good luck.

    sunshine
    brings blossoms

    winds
    beat
    the
    fruit
    to
    the
    ground

    nature is crazy


    I see that Susie has already left you some very good suggestions. I agree with here comment about the image instead of the statement.


  • azure85 gold member
    July 18, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I like the way you line extends to the end. Very ingenious, it adds to your haiku. My only suggestion, is your last line, can you show an image to illustrate how "nature is crazy?" Very nice looking haiku!


  • Deindichter
    July 14, 2007

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    This is good too, I like the idea that you stayed more true to the haiku tradition and wrote about nature. I also like how each line is indented a step further outside the previous after winds to ground. Witty, and interesting, the nature is crazy line is true, but someone needs to knock that fruit down for the animals which forage, yet cannot get it themselves. Good luck in the contest.