Leaves
fall;
ground alive from their
death; tree met them at
dooms crest. (
the tree
lives. (
Author notes
Most of the piece if pretty self explanatory, the parenthesis stand for dooms crest, the tree meets the dying leaves at dooms crest, but it continues to stay behind the parenthesis so it thrives and lives through winter to be reborn in spring :-)
A contest entry
- The Shape of Haiku by azure85.
790 points, ended July 30, 2007, 41 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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I really like this peice, it has like an unwanted hope kind of, atleast to me.
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An interesting haiku about the life and end of a tree. I think Polly has left some excellent advice, some images would enhance your haiku very much. Thank you so much for your entry.
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Thank you for entering our workshop/contest, "The Shape of the Haiku." Good luck.
Leaves
fall;
ground alive from their
death; tree met them at
dooms crest. (
the tree
lives. (
This is a very interesting haiku and I like the concept very much. The haiku however, seems to be made up of statements rather than images. Do you thing you could describe the same thing with the use of images? -
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Granted, I'm awfully tired, but what? No, I don't feel a change is nessesary, I cannot even understand what you're asking me to do; even if I did change it, by your previous two comments on my submitted poems, it would seem evident I won't be winning anyway about it. Why edit, when hope is naught.
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A very unique layout, perspective, and word choice and placement. Best of luck in the contest with this refreshingly original piece.
D.D.M.
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I like how you arranged this. Very interesting. I also like the message. It seems nearly religious to me...that whole everyone must die thing...become dust again...feed themselves back into the ground and yet the tree (which could be Christ) lives and gives life....but that's just me reading lots into it as per usual. It could be a lot of things, really...or maybe just as it is. But i like the multiple interpretation value in just a few short lines. Well done.
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