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Thunder

thunder
                                    from afar
sunglasses on

In a list

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

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Comments


  • Pollycheck
    July 29, 2007
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    I like your rewrite much better. Good job.


  • azure85 gold member
    July 27, 2007

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    An interesting haiku, I am waiting to hear the thunder start pretty soon here. I have read Polly's advice, and if you could find a different AHA moment it might add an extra thought to your haiku. Thank you so much for your entry.

  • Pollycheck
    July 15, 2007
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    Thank you for entering our workshop/contest, "The Shape of the Haiku." Good luck.

    thunder
    from afar
    a raindrop

    Very nice and simple haiku, but there just doesn't seem to be a catch at the end. I think that if you could get a aha moment at the end, it would be even better.


  • Deindichter
    July 14, 2007

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    Well done haiku, true to the nature in its simplicity and its revolution around the idea of nature. Good job. Good luck in the contest I'm sure you'll do great.