It was raining like we had wanted it to; no more running through sprinklers and pretending. It was real and cold and God, did it always feel this beautiful?
Picking splinters out of finger tips that traced one-too-many "silver linings" on clouds she could hardly taste long enough to believe in Never land, again. Sweetie; I don't think she ever will whole heartily- but it's disappointing that it used to be everything she counted on.
The palms of my hands were pressed into my eye sockets; a mock sense of control. Couldn't get those mental images out of my head and you were always laughing through problems like these. Just B r e a t h e.
We teetered off the swings at the old elementary school, wishing we were more than just adrenaline junkies. I quit smoking;flying;numbing flat out, and you smiled when I told you, so I tried my best to hold to it. I tried my hardest to just let go of that chapter in my life.
My skin was clammy and pale, I was gaining weight and baby; that made me literally sick. A struggle I had had since I was barely thirteen. But What gives, is I'd lose everything to go back to that size in little girls again. Sixty pounds at age eleven; even then I didn't think I was frail enough to fly. Now at hardly sixteen I'm gaining like a mad cow, and to put it bluntly; these one hundred and eight pounds are sinking me to the bottom of the "to-do" list and I'm regretting every minute of this.
Perverts and push overs climbed their way through my window at night; flashing light bulbs through my clothes. Laughing like maniacs at just how funny this whole thing really was(n't). Even with boys who loved me; I was on my own and I knew that it would never change. The Encore was when loose cannons brought back a fifth and I was ever so tempted to join in; but God knows the both of us were dangerous together [the alcohol and I, I mean. Their was never an "us" involving you.] So Jerk it a little harder next time; sugar face, I don't think you completely understand.
Author notes
To Be Honest; I think the title is beautiful; some kind of hidden meaning. I'd tell you if I knew it myself.
This piece; is incredibly personal. But it doesn't hurt. Maybe I'm getting over some things. It's almost peaceful to me. With of course; a little of my sassy-ness. Just can't quite rid myself of my attitude. Good thing though.
♥
Avery/blemished irises
A contest entry
- Help me find my muse!!!!! (invite only) by Shantalina.
1200 points, ended August 3, 2007, 10 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Sky is Alive by sweetpearl.
2975 points, ended July 29, 2007, 26 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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Personal pieces are hard to write about and you can sense when there is that "I need to let go" versus the struggling to hang on. That's what I get when reading it. I like how you can take a situation most of us can relate to and weave it through prettier words and layers of poetic skin so it doesn't seem so sad. But if you look deep enough, you can see it's there. I can spot sadness easily though, being there so much as I am, I just know.
"It was raining like we had... - ...did it always feel this beautiful?"
--I like this opening line. I swear it has rained more this summer than the last but it depends where you are in the world I guess. This beginning reminds me of the kind of depressing nature we hang on to because we actually like it. Not sure why.
"Picking splinters out of finger tips... - ...used to be everything she counted on."
--the fairy tale likeness in the first line is lovely and it reads in black and white, as if the picture you get in your head is instantly put to that. I really hate being stuck with someone who had all these dreams and aspirations then they come to a point in their life where they actually get there but it falls flat. It wasn't what they expected or wanted.
"The palms of my hands were pressed... - ...Just B r e a t h e."
--the first line here is very vivid and I love the "mock sense of control", fuck it just strikes something in me. You cannot cover up truth. I like how the breathe is spaced out because you actually say it calmly and slowly when you read it.
"We teetered off the swings... - ...let go of that chapter in my life."
--this might be my favourite part in the piece. It reeks of life. And you can see this all being played out in your head. The imagery is lovely. Again, it feels like a black and white picture or maybe just a greying one ... with the rain and all. The separation of your hand on the swing as you walk away from that person in your life ... or that moment. Forgive my rambling on haha.
"My skin was clammy and pale... - ...I'm regretting every minute of this."
--so you can see what this is about now. The way people can see themselves when they are actually stick thin but think they are this massive being. It's sad that is how they see themselves because usually they are the most gorgeous people. The "sixty pounds" to "to fly" is my favourite line here. It's hurtful and sad.
"Perverts and push overs climbed... - ...I don't think you completely understand."
--the "even with boys" line ... fuck, I know how this is. Even when you find someone who actually likes you, you cannot bring yourself to love yourself. Confidence, self-assurance that you are worth it, it's nowhere to be found. The ending reminds me of trying to reach out but giving up because no one ever seems to understand it. You can never get how someone is feeling, EVEN IF YOU HAVE BEEN THERE, because everyone is different but it feels no one wants to listen or they do but tell you it's not as bad ... or ... ugh, I can't word it. We don't want sympathy ... we want a shoulder to cry into, a voice to ease the worrying sounds we hear, a soul to warm ours. You know? Again, my rambling on is useless jumble but I love you and this.
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:) :) :)
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'I quit smoking;flying;numbing flat out, and you smiled when I told you, so I tried my best to hold to it. I tried my hardest to just let go of that chapter in my life.'
'I'm gaining like a mad cow, and to put it bluntly; these one hundred and eight pounds are sinking me to the bottom of the "to-do" list and I'm regretting every minute of this.'
sorry to just quote. i'm in no mood to comment, but i thought i would let you know i've read (loadss of times
), and I think it's amazing.
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It's about time that I started reading from you. Christ, I'm well over do aren't I?
I think the title is beautiful too. It makes me feel like I'm floating, yet completely planted on the ground.
This piece was just, wow fucking adorable and sweet. I really love the beginning. It just sort of streams though the mind and twirls in a waterfall of colors and fire fly lights. It makes me think of the song "Kiss Me" by Sixpence None the Richer. If this piece had music, it'd sound like that song.
I also really love how you did add in your sassy attitude. It makes this piece so much more personal and real. It becomes more then just words, it actually has a personality.
This was gorgeous, in every sense of the word.
♥
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ily bby. thanks so much for this, its amazing.
♥ shantalina ♥ -
""Sixty pounds at age eleven; even then I didn't think I was frail enough to fly. Now at hardly sixteen I'm gaining like a mad cow, and to put it bluntly; these one hundred and eight pounds are sinking me to the bottom of the "to-do" list and I'm regretting every minute of this.""
this is fantastic!! i love it, its beautiful, && the title really caught me, its amazing!
please put your username in your authors box, because i dont know who you are right now!!
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no more running through sprinklers and pretending//We teetered off the swings at the old elementary school, wishing we were more than just adrenaline junkies.
renminds me of what i just wrote
these one hundred and eight pounds are sinking me to the bottom of the "to-do" list and I'm regretting every minute of this.
<3 love the end of that lineee
AWww
this is sad
but i love ittt
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this is lovely.
Perverts and push overs climbed their way through my window at night; flashing light bulbs through my clothes. Laughing like maniacs at just how funny this whole thing this really was(n't). Even with boys who loved me; I was on my own and I knew that it would never change. The Encore was when loose cannons brought back a fifth and I was ever so tempted to join in; but God knows the both of us were dangerous together [the alcohol and I, I mean. Their was never an "us" involving you.] So Jerk it a little harder next time; sugar face, I don't think you completely understand.
okay its a long quote but i think that whole part is impossibly beautiful, and i am so so glad to see you posting again doll.
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Thats amazing. You had me clinging to every word! I love how it's poetry, but it doesn't LOOK like poetry. OMG There are no words for how beautiful your writing is. Consider yourself on my faves list.
Love GutterFairie
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Yes the title is beautiful, but then again the entire thing is. Haha I remember you telling me about "the perverts in your window" hahah.
"these one hundred and eight pounds are sinking me to the bottom of the "to-do" list and I'm regretting every minute of this."
^^ That is incredibly clever (the whole 'to-do' list thing). I'm not sure if you purposely meant that to be sexual or if that's just my own fucked up mind, but I love it either way.
"So Jerk it a little harder next time; sugar face, I don't think you completely understand."
Lmao I love you dearly<33
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Picking splinters out of finger tips that traced one-too-many "silver linings" on clouds she could hardly taste long enough to believe in Never land, again. Sweetie; I don't think she ever will whole heartily- but it's disappointing that it used to be everything she counted on.
that part was just amazingly beautiful.
gorgeously written, hunnii.
♥
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BB
THIS IS ABSOFUCKINGLUTLY AMAZING
I love everything you write
ANd this is no exception.
you are so fucking gorgeous
And I hope you dont feel sick for being 108
(oh god I wish I was but im a fatty =/)
but bb, this is a stunning piece. and it took my breatth away and it made my skin pinch up in that pleasent way that lets you know inifinty is just around the corner.
my insides applaud you bb doll
<33333
loveyoutodeath
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I like it a lot. I totally adore your stuff! They're are always amazing.
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