“Can you hear?” I ask you,
my friend, reading and listening now,
“Hear that call, in the grave of your mind?”
I tell you, sadly,
the essence of my cursed life,
who, crowded with my love,
gave me my child, cradle of my soul,
until shadows of cemetery gloom
whispered across with misery,
misery, I pray you never know.
My dead child lay, twisted,
between her still legs.
He lost his mother, dead beside him,
groping ghosts
grappling the gloom
of death’s cold grip.
Wide eyed and screaming, I gasped,
at death’s cruel irony.
Grief, never before known,
throttled and possessed me,
and so I call you-
“Do you hear me?” I ask you, kindly.
I am a miserable creature; humbled, alone,
asking you to listen-
silently pause-
“Can you hear it now?”
I implore life to return.
The wind calls, I call,
I turn away, “Why must I grieve so?”
Then,
within the cold of a penetrating shiver,
I hear a call behind me,
“Daddy!”
I stop to shudder
and ask of you,
“tell me can you hear it too?
When I turn I want to see
my loves returned to me.”
Author notes
Art by R S Adams Jr
A contest entry
- Scare me, Give me chills goosebumps or creeps...>:) by Tirrell.
640 points, ended July 28, 2007, 6 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Did You Win A Gold Trophy? by Nam.
525 points, ended October 19, 2007, 21 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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What I liked the most about this poem was the way you used the prosey sort of verse in it without it seeming to be prose. Though, it's quite poetic, it does have that element of prose. Usually prose-like poems fall short of being any good, in my opinion. People try so hard to make them work, and most fail. Here, I don't feel you failed. I thought this was a great poem when I read it, and that's the main thing that caught my eye, though there were other elements, of course.
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prose vs poetry
is sometimes a difficulty, and that is one of the reasons I used rhyme at the end, to form a poetry image. I tried to have a rhytmic poem, which is poetry, but that is not always easy.
Thank you for your comments which I take to heart and am appreciative. I will learn from them.
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Nam,
thank you for the bronze. There is much in my poem which is true and perhaps that came through.
I appreciate your research into the contest field. -
wow, your art really sets the stage for this piece. I was quite gripped by it and very surprised. Congrats on your winning write.
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Congratulations on the Gold ...
you really did a great job here, Poet.
Love
Myra
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Gave the goosebumps alright... A very good read.. All the best!
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This has a nice feel to it.
and a great impact in the end. nice job with this.
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thank you,Tirrel
I am really honoured and thankful to win the gold. Thank you for this competition. I found it different and inspiring. A lot of work for you; greatly appreciated.
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