Well...where to start... this wont be a poem, not today. Seems I am making life confusing and hard for others around me. I seem to make my marriage like a roller coaster ride and hubby doesn't do well on them. I grow attached to people too much and sometimes things go over board. I dunno. My heart is too big and and I am too nieve or something. I am toooooo nice then others get the wrong idea, then there feelings get hurt, my hubby gets hurt and I sit here wondering what the hell just happened. I guess I am not a people person ey? I'm sorry, hopefully not to many people will read this. I seem to be real good at bringing people down. And my poor hubby, what a retched bitch I am. Up and down all the time, how the hell does he do it. I wouldn't be able to put up with me, how could he.
I have this feeling that he may not be able to deal with much more. Maybe I need to learn how to become a hermit and hide in the closet while he is not home. I don't know (again that fuck up excuse)!!!
What do I do? Sitting here crying is fucked up. I try so damn hard to like me...and then I hurt others around me and shit there I go again. Ya know, I was born 2 months early and almost died.....mmmm, think the doc made a mistake...........Or someone is playing a very bad joke on the world. The End
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Sorry, not much hope left
Written August 26th, 2003
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Life is a precious gift. That is a harsh thing to say Trisha in saying that the Doc made a mistake. We all mess up and get down. Like the comment above hiding is not the answer. Conront your problems even though it is hard too. You are meant to be here and you have come into my life and I am thankful for that. There is far too much good in you to give up hope. Hope is all we have. Hope for a new day and hopefully that new day will bring the sunshine we need. You are a great person and I hope that you realize that.. We all Fuck up.......
Keep your head high
Derek:)
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HUGS- -
innocent
no theyre not playing a joke, and no the doc wasnt wrong, guess what? youre meant to be here, guess what else. hiding in the closet (though it would spawn some funny jokes) isnt the answer. hiding isnt it, if you dont like yourself, then change it. make yourself into something you do like. alright? and dont even think of talking suicide, i will find a way to come through this comp and whack you in a way you wont like... do you get me?!?!?! (this is where you scream I GET YOU SIR and i yell at you for calling me sir, got it?)
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