Go ahead and hit me
I dare you to do something
You started this whole parade in the first place
You have a stolen heart && lungs peirced by broken promises
Just so you can't breathe
I hope you drive off a cliff or you finally catch fire
Your lips are funeral for my everloving heart
&& I'm sick of all your damned lies
So forget you ever met me
Forget every single carnal moment
When I die you can send your apologies down with me
Because baby I sent your love up with the flames
Author notes
I once dated a kid named Rage
A contest entry
- Do you deserve this? by Never Fall in Love.
850 points, ended August 14, 2007, 60 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - 3 Part Contest: Part 1- Rage [[BIG POINTS]] by GiftedPsychosis.
1500 points, ended August 7, 2007, 26 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
I think you have done a wonderful job! I agree with Never Fall in Luv, this does sound like a rant. But put into poetry form.
Great job and good luck in the contest!
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Hmm..
This was interesting to read - especially since I'd love to say the same lines to someone.
(I think I may have too)
However, this sounds a lot more like a rant. Like something you should have said to his face rather than written.
Though, the only thing that bothered me was the "&&"
Good Luck
NeveR ♥ -
Your lips are funeral for my everloving heart
WOW> very imaginative and creative. a very strong and powerful line. it's a very strong willed piece, has a lot of vigor. i enjoyed the last stanza, like burning the pictor, the memory so to speak. i also like the title, how it sort of plays on card, the queen of hearts turning bloody and turning into spades (also a card) but also a weapon. at least that's what i got out of it. good poem! -
I really like this. I like in the beginning how you compare it to a parade, which is contradictory because this sounds tragic.
The ending lines are also wonderful.
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