© 7-13-07
Once upon a time, there was a land,
Of people so very odd;
Upon their heads, they all would stand;
A sight to see them nod;
Each had a callous on their head
From bouncing all about;
You’d think they all would wince with dread,
But they never let out a shout.
They all thought themselves upright,
Things were as they should be;
To mention a wrong, they got uptight,
From their point, they couldn’t see;
If one mentioned his head was hurting,
Either they would ignore him,
Or give something to stop the “blurting”;
This was how he was to them.
Then one day one of the men,
Enjoying his normal day,
Came upon a sight strange to him,
His body began to sway;
From his point, in the dust,
His eyes came to meet
Something his mind couldn’t trust,
For he saw a pair o’ feet.
“Oh! I say,” he said, surprised;
“How can you stand like that?
Can’t you see the ground with your eyes?
Aren’t you afraid you’ll fall flat?”
“Oh, you should see the sky from here,”
He said, with so much awe;
“It’s a sight to make you cheer,”
But the other just guffawed.
“Methinks you must be very mad,
From standing on your feet.
Or else you are a simple lad.
Good day, until next week!”
It seems, the lad was left unheard,
Because of the other’s callous;
For though he spoke with hopeful words,
They were met with malice.
Soon, he became the talk of the town,
With his calloused feet.
The joy he spoke made others frown,
They just couldn’t believe it.
But a few soon came to him,
Or should I say his shoes.
What he spoke broke the din,
And took away their blues.
He said to one, with loving aim,
“How does your head feel?”
Then when he spoke about the pain,
It made the others reel.
The one, Pete, began to weep,
“I’m glad you asked about me.
The pain’s so much, I can’t sleep,
And no one else can see.”
“How can they see, turned over so long?
Their heads are hard with callous,
To mention pain makes them frown,
For those heads in dust.
If you believe, you will see;
Believe, and be upright;
In that position, follow me;
You will see a greater light.”
Then, to the crowd’s surprise,
Pete acted on belief,
Stood on his feet, and saw the skies;
And thus left his grief;
But he looked down, at the ground;
It seemed so far away;
He screamed in fear; a frightful sound;
Went back to his old way.
The Upright One became real sad,
And seemed a little frustrated;
But was patient, not at all mad;
It was their state he hated.
Then the one who had guffawed,
Came and scolded Upright.
“Don’t you know we have laws;
By them, we have sight!
All we need is what guides us,
And we will be just fine;
We’re just fine, in the dust,
And some of us, we shine.”
Those like him troubled Upright;
The elders of their clan;
They followed him day and night,
To catch him in his “scam.”
These older ones from being so old,
At new things they would fidget,
They came to hate this one so bold,
For their necks were rigid.
But the few who would listen,
Stayed to hear some more.
Pete, who saw heaven glisten,
Followed with head so sore.
“How do you know how we should be?
You seem so very wise.
You seem to talk with joy so free,
When you talk about the skies.”
Upright man knelt to speak
And to him, spoke so true:
“You are meant to stand as me,
For that is how I made you.”
In his belief, he fell over,
Then stood upon his feet;
The pain left, and moreover,
He felt he was complete.
Then he looked again, up above,
Then Upright with surprise,
For he saw this man’s love
When he saw his eyes.
You see, he saw so very clear,
A man so full of grace.
He saw a life unusually dear,
Seeing him face to face.
“I believe you are the one
To set us all upright.
The truth’s so true, I’m undone;
It seems I have new sight!”
In time, Upright left,
Yet many lost their frown
These spoke so true and so deft,
Turned their world around.
Oh, and yes, the elder man,
Talked with that one, Pete.
He helped him see how he could stand,
And now he’s on his feet.
In a list
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 43 of 43
-
Wow!
How very, very clever!
But I wonder if those who are upside-down
Not having known the Gospel, ever
Will trade their disappointed frown
For upright smiles that last forever?
Seeing who Upright really was
Might calm their life's commotion
But staying the same, just because
Seems an upside-down devotion
I hope your readers come to understand
We're all victims of Satan's heist
Seeing only God's feet, we've missed his Right Hand
For this "Upright" one was Jesus Christ!
-
Wonderful analogy
It was said the apostles 'turned the world upside down' but in reality they turned it right side up didn't they? There were a few spots where I had trouble keeping the rhythm. Lines 51 and 61 were a couple. I think breaking it into stanza's would also help the reader to keep proper rhythm for the read. Very creative piece! Thanks for pointing me to it.
-
-
I Take Back Everything...
...I said about you.
It actually reads alot better aloud rhythmically.
You're okay. I don't care what anyone else says about you.
-
-
I always try to read aloud. It does make a difference. The stanza's really help with something this long.
BTW My verdict is still out on you. So I'm not taking anything back... yet.
-
-
-
Tears in my eyes!
Great write my friend! Nice continuous flow, wonderful content. Nice imagination & freshness of approach in dealing with a delicate & profound subject! So aptly describes The Way! I'm greatly moved & amazed at this work! Bravo... Keep on keeping on His Way with joy!
-
-
Okay...
If you like this one, you'll like the one about Jack...
-
-
creative
I like that you can write a story so cute and have a rhyme and funny and humourous for children, I have not done it yet but I have an idea for a story set to poetry. it is hard to do. you did a great job
-
Awww... I just loved this. You have filled my mind with some great imagery and deep thought. Very well done my friend. Thank you for sharing and best wishes to you. Keep that pen handy dear poet. ~Midnight Lace
-
ha. excellent write. that was like a miny vacation for my troubled mind. the title really grabed me.
-
Good
This took a great deal of imagination, talent and patience to create. It is unique,refreshing and entertaining.
I tip my hat to a truly creative poet.
Well done.
-
-
Much Appreciated...
...though since the Lord made things like gourds, He was able to put something in my head. This pretty much just flowed out, like it was already written.
God bless!
-
-
My friend, it is quite apparent your head is not an empty gourd. God has given you a talent that enables you to entertain, inform and uplift those who read your creations.
All gifts are from God, but never sell your talent short. -
-
To Which...
I give a hearty "AMEN!".
Hmmm...a gourd that glorifies God. I wonder if that's in my Bible.
If not, you may find a poem about it soon...Because all gifts are from God, I'm am not sold short.
God bless again! -
-
Even the rocks would cry out to glorify God if He so wishes.
You are a very talented man. Keep penning those gems. -
-
Okay...
...I will.
As we speak, two more are in the works.
B (TheM0of)
-
-
-
-
-
-
“Oh, you should see the sky from here,”
quite a perceptions charming beat, you know i had the idea once that trees were upside down people, stuck in the ground of backwards thyme and so fallen from the end to find the beginning....
anyheys although very lengthy this has quite the global warming/coal quality to it, well done,
w chai and chocolate,
-JAS
-
Wonderful. As the others, I usually don't have the patience to keep reading a long poem, but this kept me interested. I loved the flow.
And, me too, I didn't like the biblical reference.
But nonetheless, Its a wonderful poem.
Great Write.
-
very good
a great way to end a long day
a lol
i like the flow, it keeps you interested
there seems to be somes ort of alternate theme
people don't want to see the differnce in others as an inherited right to be different
so they react with skepticism, denial, etc
"Upright man knelt to speak
And to him, spoke so true:
“You are meant to stand as me,
For that is how I made you.”
a bibical reference, perhaps
i'm not one to critique much
as this is a splendid work
-
Exceptional
I don't usually read poems this long but your poem held my interest, Your rhyming was fairly consistant but I realize that rhyme is seconday to the message. Perspectives can be skewed due to peer pressure and societal influences. We must be seekers of truth and be willing to change when the truth confronts us. Wonderful story poem and message!
Well Done!
Dennis
-
hello,
I like your idea, but I think your wording is a bit clunky, eg' line 3 could be simpler and by using a conversational tone, better digested
also, line 11 is awkward
using 'methinks' is archaic, so perhaps the unusual grammar is reflecting that, but as a contemporary reader, I'd have preferred it all to be spoken more simply
the grammar puts me off absorbing the story properly, I just wonder about the structure without taking in the message
I'll come back to read again
cheers -
-
Thanks For Stopping By!
God bless!
-
-
I LOVED the biblical reference!!! It's clear to see that in this poem the Upright Man is Jesus, and this was a very intelligent and amusing way to portray just what He does for us-he turns our lives around! He helps us to stand on our feet, and he loves us. Well done!
-
-
Interesting Comment...
...considering the the commentor's name.
Thanks for stopping by and taking the time to read. You're right about who Upright is. May the truth of Him be true with you and yours.
In His Peace,
-
-
Lovely story, I enjoyed it very much. I love the sounds and the beat of the poem. I look foreward to seeing more from you. ^-^
-
Upside Right
The only cure for stiff-necked people: Jesus! What a graat story to use as a teaching tool for children. Christ has truly blessed you with a wonderful gift. mattharris
-
-
Glad You Read This...
...since it's my favorite yet. Your comments mean very much to me, brother.
God bless!
-
-
interseing
it has some good points in it. If we all put our trust in faith life would be looked at a different view -
-
Acually...
...I would put it a little different. If we put our trust in the Upright One, namely Jesus, then we would be born again, and see the kingdom of God.
If you noticed, it's kind of a twist on a way to see the Gospels.
-
-
Well, you've given me a treat here ... not stopped laughing yet ... finally got the gist of the poem with the spiritual slant on it ... very clever, Sir! Must have taken you a wee while to put it together ... and do you read it aloud in a certain accent or anything, I wonder?! Also, what brought it on ... certain type of Cheddar or something? Very interesting ... very funny ... and very uplifting!
-
-
Pardon Me...
...but I do read the elder one with a kind of British accent. Should I repent?
What brought this on was having an online conversation, with Grannyeri I believe, and it came up about the idea of turning the world upside down. I thought, "Isn't it upside-down now?"
About two hours later, I had this.
Glad you liked it Beth. It was a different way of looking at the Gospels.
God bless, sis, and thanks!
-
-
This was wonderful
Wow!!! What a wonderful spiritual story/poem you have penned. A wonderful moral too. Yes we should all stand upright next to God. It was great how you took this poem and wound up glorifying God Almighty. Bravo!!!
This is a great story for kids to read. I had to chuckle at a few parts!! Take care, Sandy
-
-
Heeheehee!
As long as you chuckled where I wanted you to.
Thanks, Sissy-poo!
-
-
He He He!!!!
Just picturing these guys with big callouses on their heads boppin around all over the place, wondering why they have excedrin headaches number 2. Dah!!! That made me laugh.
-
-
Makes One Wonder...
...if that's how the Lord sees this world, doesn't it? -
-
You got that right!! Like the song says, "I Can Only Imagine" I am sure He sees us in a whole different light then we see ourselves!!.
-
-
-
-
-
Great allegory here. Your point is very clear.
-
-
Thanks...
...for the unsolicited, as well as encouraging comment.
I got the idea from a quick conversation with Grannyeri over another poem, and one of us mentioned turning the world upside-down. Then the idea for this poem happened. What amazed me, no matter how many times it happens, is how this flowed, especially in concept. I saw the Pharisees in the rebuking elder as he scolded Upright, and the reference to the Hebrews being stiff-necked.
If God's word allowed me, I would be proud of this. But I'll be happy. That's much better...
God bless!
-
-
“You are meant to stand as me,
For that is how I made you.”
What a profound yet simple message. This is a wonderful story/allegory poem Bob. They rhyming throughout is excellent - not at all forced. But the story and the theme is profound.This is so visual, I can see it as a children's picture book that adults really read for themselves. I encourage you to think about publishing this one.
Thank you for sending me the link. This has brightened my morning!
Love and hugs *hug* - jo
-
-
Thanks, sis...
...for taking the time. Your comment was also a blessing for me this morning.
I thank the Lord we met. You're a big encouragement.
God bless, Jo...
-
-
Intriguing!
When I first started reading this, it reminded me a little of Max Lucado's book "You Are Special"- about the wooden people that went about sticking stickers all over each other. But in your story, I was imagining all these little people hopping around on their sore little heads!
At first I was dreading reading this because of the length (- I'm not a fan of longer poems... unless they're really good!), but I found myself wanting to read to the end- fabulous beginning that it had!
I bet you could make a children's story out of this- the thoughts here were very creative indeed!
Wow, Big Brother- I'm impressed! God truly gave this to you! To HIM be the praise!
-
Dear One, this is an excellent piece to teach a lesson as a Christian. When we walk upright, we can see the error of our ways as well as the errors of others. We can learn from those mistakes.
Unfortunately, those who walk upright will be ostracized until the end, but we will know who we are and what we are. We will have no doubts about which way to walk.
You are such a blessing here, Bob, and your words are also a blessing to us. God bless you. Love and Hugs, Patricia
-
-
Thank You!...
...for taking the time, Patty.
Those of us who chose to trust Upright and be like Him should be thankful for Him removing that callous.
God bless!
-
-
this is a delightful story with underlying theme. i giggled my way through. thank you for sharing this. i loved it! can you imagine how dirty their hair was? yuck! keep writing brother! God bless you always
Adding your comment:
1 - 43 of 43
