Come Undone
So many sleepless nights with
scrambled thoughts
memories mixed up.
Guns fire,
screams of pain
cries for help,
what do I do?
who comes first?
everything
echoes in my mind.
Images
of burned out buildings
half blown to pieces,
blood all over my hands
my brothers crying out
in such terrible pain.
So many nightmares
haunt me,
in ways
I dare not say.
I wake
covered in sweat.
I look around
and know I am safe.
I fear
if it was not for you
I may
Come undone.
In a list
A contest entry
- Friends Are Forever 2 ~ For My AP friends Only~ by Angel With No Halo.
800 points, ended July 26, 2007, 7 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Remember Our Fallen Heroes. by coffeeangel316.
850 points, ended May 18, 2008, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 51 of 51
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How lightly one can say "It is only a Dream or Flashback"...it is real, and something you have relived in a dream. Thanks for sharing your real traumas with us!
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Wonderfully written and this is so beautiful. I felt chills when I read it. great job.
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Hi Ed!
I thank you for your im, it was touching!
Now for this poem...
i can only say excellent and your dipiction of war is raw. I admire you for telling this as it is and for not portraying yourself as an egoyistic man who doesn't fear or hurt.
Your feeling and emotiond are shared by many.
Great work.
Slán Dolores x -
imagery is amazing, and the emotion, perfect. this is fantastic, but i think the flow might be just a bit off, maybe its just the way im reading it but i think it might need just a few more pauses to force the reader to soak up all the emotion and the scene that your creating.
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wow this is very well done
great write
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wow this is really cool. sad but well done.... great writte!
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interesting
Wow. This is a really interesting poem. I've never read a poem about the military, but this is beautiful and heartbreaking. I love the way that the thoughts seem to be racing through the poem, and its so graphic without being gross or horrifying the way war truly is. Alot of thought and work must have gone into this piece, it shows.
wonderful job with this, I can't find anything wrong with it. You have a great talent!
Sincerely,
Lillian Madeline
aka. Heartless Angel
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wow very good work..full of emotion at different ranges I love the opening very well written
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i like the lines "i wake covered in sweat. i look around and know i am safe." really sad.
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great lesson in life for us to learn, this piece make me think about the dreams that we have at night when we sleeping, what do they mean, or what meaning they have in our lives.
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this made me sad, but I liked it. good job and keep writing!
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Ahh~ the fears that overwhelm us... and those special ones who can calm us down. Reading through this made me nervous about the uncertainties in life but then the last couple of sentences somewhat reassure the reader that everything will be alright (despite the remaining traces of insecurity)... a nice write n i love your profile pic too!
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This is truly a heart wrenching write. So much pain and hurt with a sense of helplessness, not be able to stop the memories from crashing about in your head. I love the last statement, "I fear if it was not for you I may Come undone." Very touching and well written. Thank you for sharing your words. I loved reading this write.
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Ah, yes... a poem to admire and think of soldiers the world over.
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Excellent use of prompt
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Many a hero
has come undone and in my eyes
it takes a true man to shed a tear ed!
This poem can relate to all soliders who fight for their countries.
I have seen these things in my homeland and like you i have dreams. But to be there hear it feel it is the hardest thing to live with and for this i salute you my friend.
Great piece of work stay safe.
Slán agus gra
dolores x
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I have waited a long time to comment and I still do not have the words that would do justice to what you have written, let me just say...
I know
Sleep easy now in arms that ache to hold you
beside a heart that longs to wipe away your fears
forever...
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I completely forgot to add HM's so I really screwed up.. I am so sorry.. you were supposed to get an HM
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This poem if very moving to me. I had a friend who went on 2 tours of duty in Iraq. I miss the boy he used to be, he's not the same anymore. Your poem is like a view into the mind of soldiers who come back and aren't the same. Thank you for showing what its like to those of us who haven't experienced this. great work.
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wow! this poem is penned lovely!!!
its very thoughtfully done!
I fear
if it was not for you
I may
Come undone.
i love that last stanza. it finnishes of the poem nicely! well donr for a great poem here.
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thoughtful,
it seems to me that you are fighting a war inside your head, on one side you have your fears, your memories, and on the other you have you, fighting to survive. we all have blood on our hands, in this world, no matter who we are,you are not innocent. maybe you should spend some time figuring out what your deepest fears are, spend some time figuring out who you are....
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good
i liked it... sometimes i have a tendency to have very lengthy involved works... I like the short and to the point structure of the whole thing line by line
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wow,this was deep and thought provoking.. the second stanza is my faveorite stanza just because it is so vivid in detail and when i read it i picture a war going on in my mind. I really like this poem it definitely got my attention and it got me thinking. amazing write
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dont we all just need someone to keep us together
for without them we would just all fall to pieces
what a remarkable peom i felt it beat in my heart the saddness that this poem gave
~~Chef W.B.
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So many emotions are written into this poem. Very good job! Good luck in the contest
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Very moving write Ed. Powerful imagery. Best of luck in the contest. You take care, Sandy
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i felt every word in this poem, it has so much feeling and imagery behind it, good job!
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oh so sad
having to relive wars in ones mind,breaks ,him so easy,just let your self be calm as life relives
in everyone,not as painful but evr so vivid..keep penning and good luck -
A very dark, and very sad, piece and too true! well done.... bravo... bravo...
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A POWERFUL PIECE
VERY VIVID IMAGERY I WISH YOU LUCK IN THE CONTEST -
I enjoyed reading your poem very much. I guess you would have bad dreams as you have been there and have seen what war can do to you, and to know someone is there to make sure you don't come undone.
Very well written Ed. A very compassionate write, just as I expect from you.
Good luck my friend.
Joan
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EXCELLENT AND HEART FELT
Yes this piece speeks in volumes and from ones I have talked to our service men some of them live this poem and without the loved ones about them they do come undone . Let not one boy return without us to be there to comfort him should those dreams come his way
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great imagery
you brought to life the most seriousness of your dreams.i can feel the intensiveness of your fret.Like trying to escape from a place you know you will never get away from. Superb job on this one dear... I love your artistic talent... -
if I may ask..which one of my friends is this?? Thanks hon
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Oh my, this truly rattles anyone with a heart, right to the very core. Truly tugging at the heart strings. This brought tears to my eyes. Just thinking of all the soldiers scattered across the globe, away from home, separated from loved ones and sadly, privy to the ugliness of this world...how very sorrowful.
You've created such an excellent piece! Thank you, so much, for sharing it.
Bella
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Truly amazing. I was covered in goosebumps
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A feeling I know well
I just never was able to hold on to the 'you' that holds that part of me together. Never been able to sustain anything for any length of time. and it is me that is why and it is not like I haven't or don't tryand I can't even say just why, it's just me.
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Beautiful-Poem And Image'
Dear Ed;
This Poem, 'Truly' Has Set me to 'TEARS'!! It Is Magnifico!!It's a grand-Poem, and I Thought of All of Our-Troops, What One Would have To Go through. It Could Only Be-Imagined In Ones' Mind. Sadly-Beautiful, And loved the Ending, As Well..........You Are getting SUPER@Your-Writings'....'God Continue To Bless You In Every Way'........Love, Shirley ann shaw-Raytown,mo....
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very good write. the last lines bring the poem into focus. I liked the "echos in my mind" line. good job
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Gives you hugs.
The feeling of pure terror is expressed so well in this poem. It really opens the eyes of any civilian who reads this and gives meaning to the phrase "Freedom isn't free". This is something everyone should read, it really opens the eyes to the ravages of war. The pain just leaps off the page and makes the reader feel all the nightmares...
Daddy, Sissy is right, if you ever need someone to turn to to help pull you through the darkness and back into the light, Sissy and I are here. Any time you need a shoulder to cry on or someone to hold you through the bad times and all the nightmares, Minoo and I both are here for you. I love you Daddy.
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No Words Left to Say
I can't even imagine what you have gone through and all the soldiers be it of any country... the bloody nightmares with echoing voices can't make you only human with a heart.... this is the reason I don't have stomach to be close to a soldier or a cop, call me selfish but sure can't wait for that one phone call... but I do want to say this
...when your mind wanders
...when echoing voices leave you deafened
...when walls around are painted in red color
...when eyes are scared of nightmare
...turn around once and you'll see
you are not alone in the dark any more
take Mia's & my hand and we'll pull you back
and we'll share your painful tears
give us your fears, nightmares
and we'll never let them touch you ever again...
This is a wonderful poem that makes the readers feel your pain and watch the nightmare alive as if we're the ones dreaming... I don't know what to say that will lessen your pain except I'm here if you ever need me... take care Minoo
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This is truly a piece that everyone should read to better understand the crosses all of our soldiers bear. You personally have beared your heart and soul into this very bitter, hard but true piece. For if it was not for you and all like you we would not be here today. I feel your fear, your pain and your strength you have put into this piece for it surely deserves a gold ... you have not sugar coated the truth and have opened your heart and soul to many who do not know this weight you have to carry ... I applaud you for truly writing from within your heart... no matter how difficult it might be to write the truth.
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Sighhh...A profoundly harrowing piece, Ed. I'm sorry you understand it so well, my Friend. Good luck in the contest, Poet. Wanda
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Very good. Been there done that. This poem is real..
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My grandfather has told me that far too often his dreams have been haunted by the pain and horrors of war. he served in the Air Force during Vietnam... I love how you have taken this feel...however painful... and created it into something beautiful. That takes a great talent...I loved it... keeo your pen working.
Anne
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I think this is one of the more striking pieces of poetry I've read from you Ed, because it must be a reality for thousands of service men. I think so many civillians cannot begin to understand the atrocities that a soldier must witness or the effect that must have on daily life unless they are a service family. It's something that gets thought about when it hits the news headlines, that soldiers can't get the help they need when they come home from the war torn zones of the world. It often seems that our countries are too willing to send men to fight in 'the name of good' but are unwilling to 'do good' for those that do it and then need help themselves. While many will argue that service men sign up to do it so they must realise what they are getting into, I personally don't think that 'any' human can possibly know what it is like to face such dreaful circumstances for real. We see these things on the news and think "oh how terrible" but we are far removed from the reality of it. It's poems like this that help us all to understand a little better. Thanks for sharing this with us.
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Pulled me in with every word. Such a powerful message you send to your readers. Great exression. Awesome poem
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A very powerful and emotional poem....gets to the heart of the reader so quick....I am awed at the sheer power of your words....amazing words here...much love...smiles & hugs, Terry
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Such a deep poem, and one that lets all the emotions out. It is not an easy road to walk, and all the ordinary people are in awe of those, who do the extraordinary on a daily basis.
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ahhhh what memories
wow great fantastic post,flowed with saddness and so many more emotions, you have written another excellent poem, good luck and may you win something
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This poem just proves that you are for sure a passionate knight. None of us civilians will ever understand what happened or how it felt when it happened, nor the emotional damage of living through a hell like this could possibly feel like. I can only say I feel for you and my heart goes out to you when this happens. It is a blessing that you can finally wake up and realize it is over for you. I feel it is very healthy to write about these feelings and to not keep them locked within you. May God Bless your dreams and vanish all the memories. Thank you for sharing this part of yourself.
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