Time
Swirling ashes that suffocate
Billy sings me his pain
Holding mine in every broken word
Falling echoes and stolen thoughts
(Why didn't you warn me?)
She captures with those Draconian eyes
(God, how I despise your creation)
Stealing my future
Taking all my could have's and should have's
Turning them into remorse
Bitterness
Falling sheets
Tapestries of lies
(Who could see through all these voices?)
No longer dying every moment
Simply marching through hell
While she lavishes in heaven
At least Billy will always whisper to me
She couldn't take that
...Not like she took you
Author notes
..
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 23 of 23
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Excellent
Betrayal is like an icy knife as it slides between the ribs and slips into your spine. But, in a slice of poetic justice, betrayers are oft' times themselves betrayed -- usually at their own hands.
Let me just disagree for a moment:
She LANGUISHES in heaven.
I like this, you have created great imagery by using words that conflict with one another and create a discordant, jarring, sound as they bang up against each other. Your poem is like a dull ache, as it should be. You express your feeling so well without saying it outright.
Thanks for a good read.
CaliOkie
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Thanks again.
Despair
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Another wonderful write of telling us but never really telling us the story of billy... I like your style here. grand job
Karen
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Thank you so much. I really appreciate it.
Despair
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True to form in each that you post my dear
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Thanks Patrick. I do appreciate you taking the time to read and comment.
Despair
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Oooo very good!
Who's "she"?
thx for da comment =]
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She is a friend that betrayed me. Thanks for the comment.
Despair
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Billy!!
Great stuff, I liked the way this poem drew me in,
Obviously different people will read into your poem differently. But I like the pictures I see from this piece. and my own conclusions.
Well done...
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Billy i see is a mystery, like life sometimes, mysterious then it jumps up and takes a bite.
as i read this poem, it made feel like i was back in time in some strange far away place, yet it always held a hint of fear lingering shadows of images that chilled, hard to say why i feel this way reading these words, anyway awesome poem, like the flow and how it had me guessing all the way through, cool write.
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Thank you so much. I really appreciate it.
Despair
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Vivid
Very vivid, yet vague because not knowing the history or at least who the character 'billy' is, it is hard to know where you are coming from. Thanks for giving us a window into your world! -
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Thanks for the comment. I know this is vauge, but I guess that is the way I want it to be really. I can tell you that Billy is Billy Corgan from the Smashing Pumpkins. I dont think that will help really because it is mostly just images and thoughts from the past.
Despair
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Good
I like your words and poem. It presents a very clear picture of your pain, and you clearly present your feelings...I would like to see hope in your despair also, but I've recently been going through much in my life, and I can completely relate with your sentiments. My prayers....
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Hey thank you for reading and commenting on this piece. Some things you just have to get out of your head to get them out of your head. Know what I mean? lol..thanks again.
Despair
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Curse you! p.s. sorry I'm just furious at SkyPrinceIreland at the the moment your poem is really good it's just I thought SkyPrinceIreland was my friend now I know it's a lie long story kitty p.s. do you mind if I call you that if you do I'll change your nickname ok.
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You can call me kitty. I hope things work out with your friend.
Despair
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Very Deep
There are so many things that seem to be jockeying for position. I to am curious to hear a little more background on this piece. I think that is a hauntingly beautiful.Well written And thought provoking. Definitly something to be proud of. It is always a pleasure to read your writings. Peace,
Blut Rot
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Thanks so much. There is just so much here that I was trying to get out, and I was being a bit cryptic. I am glad you enjoyed!!!
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thought provoking, i'd like to know the background story here... this is an exceptional piece though, it's good to see you writing again! keep it up!
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Thanks my love.
Despair
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okay it was so creepy how this is named billy n the guy i am with and having so much trouble with (fighting everyday or silently hating him more than i love him). yeah so that is weird haha "Stealing my future
Taking all my could have's and should have's
Turning them into remorse
Bitterness" that is how i feel. and this is my favorite part though the whole thing was amazing "No longer dying every moment
Simply marching through hell
While she lavishes in heaven
At least Billy will always whisper to me
She couldn't take that
...Not like she took you"
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That is creepy!!! Maybe I wrote this for you. It had a lot of weird hidden meaning (well only known to me I suppose). Thanks for reading and commenting. You know I love you my dear twin!!! You deserve only the best and I am so sorry you are having such hard times.
Despair
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