My veins are tree branches that loop and swirl into the deepest corners of my body, dusted cells heavy with mud and fog, a cosmos shoved into a sea shell that does not echo the sloping and raising waves of Lake Michigan. They come crashing together, pumping an object made from winter and the stale taste of shark bait which is shoved, motionless, between an artic ribcage and charcoal lungs -- organs that lay shapeless in a valley of stillness. Although, this flesh, flaked with the designs of being shed and opened over and over again like a snake's, somehow still manages to stay lukewarm. A frail warmth that cannot last forever because I feel my toes and fingers being nipped at the tips by a chill that will not subside nor be satisfied until the hypnotizing breath of an inky, hooded figure comes crawling unto me with ancient hands.
Instead of staring up at the ceiling, I lay upon it, staring down at a bed I cannot find sleep in. There are no smooth, rushing waves of a glittery milky way or fields of knee high grass and pixie sized flowers. Wakeful, inert clock tickings topple upon me, placing the leash around my throat-- jostling me away from the sphere of slumber. At all hours I am left as the harlequin, forced court jester smile plastered onto my coal stained lips, a cemetery doll. I am the fool who continues to live.
Author notes
good luck judging the contest ♥
so I'd rather not talk about the poem... hmmm what to say? Did you guys know Heath Ledger is going to be Joker in the new Batman movie? I saw a picture... he looks pretty creepy but goth styled hawt.
yeah... just so you all know...
A contest entry
- The Sky is Alive by sweetpearl.
2975 points, ended July 29, 2007, 26 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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ooh, I havn't commented this one I just realised
Bad Lauren
Instead of staring up at the ceiling, I lay upon it, staring down at a bed I cannot find sleep in.
Images like these were so interesting
I loved the first paragraph
It was so full of, everything
I loved the crammed into the seashell scentance, we got a strong image and a strong sense of how you're feeling
The linki to your innards and the cosmos was interesting
At all hours I am left as the harlequin, forced court jester smile plastered onto my coal stained lips, a cemetery doll. I am the fool who continues to live.
I think that is one of the most powerful thing I have read in a while
This is seriosuly amazing
I felt everything
Well done
I love you more than Harry Potter (Oooh, that's something)
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This piece had amazing word choice! First and foremost. Then, you didn't just have a bunch of words placed ... see I hate that. They place them in a poetic form just words ... they don't fit together. When you can take words and phrase them well, THAT is talent. I really want to pick a favourite part but it's all so magnificant.
"My veins are tree branches... - ...raising waves of Lake Michigan."
--this first line is so long but so incredible. The sensory appeal was insanely good. You can see, feel, smell, and almost taste with dust in there. This feels so thick ... deepest, heavy, mud, fog, sea ... it's outstanding.
"They come crashing together... - ...lay shapeless in a valley of stillness."
--another lenghty line but you pull them off quite well. Actually, extremely well. I say brilliant because many cannot do it. You pick the best words to describe life. This part held intensity, you have the harshness of winter and the thrashing of a shark because you can see it coming for that body. I don't know if that makes any sense but the person who is dead inside, with black lungs, cold as ice soul, and organs that cannot feel a single thing - awaits its death.
"Although, this flesh... - ...comes crawling unto me with ancient hands."
--I almost sense a giant octopus ... I think there's a name for it but I can't recall. It is ancient and it's head could be described as hooded and it does contain ink! First shark bait now awaiting to be destroyed by an octopus, at least that's what I get out of it. The whole destruction one's self being mixed into the sea is just original, that's all. You still get that sense of freezing and quite possibly it is the internal freezing of one's body and soul that is taking over you. We must rid ourselves of people like this because that frost is contagious. It can make you forget how to feel remorse, sympathy and only give out punishment and pull from your selfishness their life from their very core. I'm rambling on, it's morning give me a break.
"Instead of staring up at the ceiling... - ...and pixie sized flowers."
--this is unique and the imagery jumps out at you. I can see the girl floating there. It looks strange yet sad. If you cannot find comfort in your own bed ... where do you seek it? Your bed should be your safe place. That's my idea. Again, fabulous descriptions, very detailed picture here.
"Wakeful, inert clock tickings... - ...who continues to live."
--we're back on land here ... only to be buried. Once someone has iced you over ... there's no going back. It's hard to teach your heart to feel once it has frozen over. Because these things do not melt, they shatter if they so choose to break free from the ice. If your heart shatters ... you may not be cold anymore ... but you will hold no happiness still. I feel it would be sadness instead of anger, rage, the "I-want-to-hurt-others" ... but I am probably wrong. Or my mind is just totally out of whack. Here we bring in the joker. Sometimes the coldest of people can be the joker ... because they get amused by other's suffering. The coal brings us back to the dark images as well as cemetery. Do not be the fool - do not let someone or something control you. You make your life, nobody else. If you have to pluck the weeds out of your garden so you do not wither in the dark ... do it. Like I said, once you get there ... there really is no turning back.
I'm probably way off on anything I said on this poem but at least you got me thinking and got some of my ideas from it. This is wonderful, I really, REALLY enjoyed reading it. Superb.
And I didn't know Heath Ledger was playing the Joker so I looked it up and he looks strange like that.
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you know, it's funny that you mention the octopus becuase I've sort pictured Death to look a little like that [yeah... I was talking about death in that part ] awesome.
Thank you so much for the wonderfull comment, I always love to hear your input on my pieces, you really know hot to grasp them and look beyond the words
lots of love ♥
oooo && thank you for the trophy!
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"Instead of staring up at the ceiling, I lay upon it, staring down at a bed I cannot find sleep in."
I LOVE that. it shall be running throughout my veins forever.
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I thought joker died in the first movie. Ole' uncle Jack did a great job.
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i really love this. i don't have to say it but...your description/imagery is out of this world. if you're in the mood of experimentation, though, i'd suggest varying your sentence structure. the sentences in this piece are long and they're nice that way but, personally, i think it would be better if you shortened them. i think it would add emphasis on your great imagery since the reader could focus better on individual words of imagery. (sorry if i'm not making sense). nonetheless, fabulous piece of writing. the best of luck in the contest, although you don't need it. rock on.
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thank you very much for the comment.
the sentences in this piece are long because this is prose, writing in prose is more like speaking. but I do agree with, if I was writing poetry it would probably be a good idea to write smaller sentences
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how did i miss this!? ...oh my, wow sis, you are so amazing! this better place! keep up the great work, you are so wonderful!
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well. this is something definatly to pick apart to find the deeper meaning. the begining felt like someone being masked and disguised. like no one could get into what was really going on inside the person. then it felt like this crazy deep let down. i felt the days of my depression; especially when you said "...the stale taste of shark bait which is shoved, motionless, between an artic ribcage and charcoal lungs -- organs that lay shapeless in a valley of stillness"
for some reason. there was so much rawness in it. i'm probably taking this a part all wrong. but it's what i feel from it. and as for the last part of it. i got that feeling where you lay awake at night. thinking for hooours on end about all the things in life that are just bad for you. and to the world some place normal to sleep is your bed,but to you it's not because it's not like you ever fall asleep there anyways. you kinda just lie there. and as for the very last sentence "I am the fool who continues to live."
wow. definatly flawless. it's so trueee. we're all just living,making mistakes. day after day after day. some of us waiting,for it all to end. i don't knoe really. it was just the perfect way to end. so anyways. really sorry if this makes no sense or has no relevance to what you wrote what so ever. but shyeah. i read this without having much too say but leaving with the total opposite. plus the feeling that i relate to it in my own way of course. lol. i loved it kendal. amazing. <3 love yoou.
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gosh man i just love this poem... loved the last paragraph thingy. so good shizz
all around great write.
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Wow.
This is really, really beautiful♥
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thank you babe
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