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Pastel Palisades

 

You rise;

circled flame

as breath.

 

Softly surrounding

salmon mist,

charming

my churning seas.

 

 

 

 

Author notes

"I present this pass in hopes to stay, and not to be sent another way. This here is the creativity pass! And hopefully it will save my a--"


septolet is beginning to not be one of my favorite forms lol




Wolfspiritguide:
Form - septolet
Genre - spiritual
Words to be used in title - pastel, palisades
Color - salmon

Please tell me what you think

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 8 of 8

  • luckynsincere
    July 15, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Wolf.

    Okay I actually love this. I was shocked to see the pass used here. It was brillant I think. Why do you cast doubt upon yourself? I am only curious... what do you feel stinks about this. I like metaphoric poetry. I was blown away. I totally get it. To me... this poem... was OUTSTANDING!! U took spiritual, and turned it around. I would have given you a 100. But Iw as taken back by your own self doubt. so my score for you is: 90. your points will be added to your final score.

    I really want to know why you felt this was weak. What about it? It is these out of the box writes I am so fond of... and you write them so well.

    Love,
    Mel


    • wolfspiritguide
      July 16, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      thank you, i have been working so many hours that i havn't had much time to write so this was the first i'd written in days and i guess i was thinking i forgot how to write at all...sounds wierd i know but true...


  • omega13
    July 14, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    I liked this poem alot. It makes me think of kissing, one of my all time favorite past time


  • Arkbear gold member
    July 13, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Wolfy ~

    Wolfy ~

     

    I am a bit stunned at your entry this Round ~

     

    I understood your write very well, but it was if

    you were writing from a whole different set

    of criteria set forth for you ~

     

    Your genre was almost silent ~

     

    Your Presentation is nice ~

     

    Grammatical choices.....not bad ~

     

    Your Form...too easy for you...however, I am

    sure there is a reason why Melanie gave it to you ~

     

    Overall.....not a bad entry, but sure wasn't your best ~

    Seems as if there was no effort in this to

    place your write in the *ah ha* factor ~

     

    Bear ~

     

    93.5


  • grannyeri gold member
    July 13, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Do like this poem - have never tried one of these forms before - you make it look so easy.

1 - 8 of 8