Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

Silhouettes of strangers




From monday till saturday,
I see silhouettes
             (of strangers)

skimming through the shop;

as if they are dancing

with sounds and vibes

of cellphones.

 

          It was the social side

          that lurked upon

          my gregarious thoughts;

          the act of assisting

          a personal audience,

          as I address myself

          to one spectator

          at the time.

 

Yet, I didn't reckon

with whimsical whining

and loathsome language.

 

Stress starts seducing

my spirit,

when torrential minds

spit out their frustration.

 

          For a moment,

          furious flames flicker wildly

                             (in my eyes)

          as they shove their blunder

          upon my back.

 

But calmness is consecrated,

and soon,

I restore this soothing smile.

 

          as hours and minutes

          bend closer to home.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Author notes

I honestly don't like this at all, but it's the best what I could come up with... I'm simply not inspired by my profession (YUCK )


the challenge prompt:

For this round I want you to pen a piece based on your
occupation, whatever it is. I don't care if you are
retired, a home maker, or even disabled. If
that is the case write me a piece based
on your occupation up until that
point when it changed.
Also include why
you chose that
profession.

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 17 of 17

  • esroddo silver member
    January 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Wonderfully expressed

    As I read your note I was amazed, because it was a outstanding write. I really love theses lines;
    Yet, I didn't reckon
    with whimsical whining
    and loathsome language.
    Stress starts seducing
    my spirit,
    when torrential minds
    spit out their frustration.
    LISA


  • checkmate
    October 26, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This was such an amzing piece- filled with astounding imagery. I love your style of writing. There is a great flow throughout.

    Simply awesome. I love the ending, and admire your honesty...Great job, and you should be proud of this It's awesome!


  • LadyDementia gold member
    October 11, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    Cool!

    This is a great write, you have done well! Best of luck in the contest!


  • Daizy21
    October 5, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    WELL DONE!Thank you for entering!good luck!


  • Anna Emkah
    October 1, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    a good job!

    You did a good job with this poem Leander. It's exactly how you've told me many times what your occupation is and how you sometimes hate it (lol). Very well done. Anna.


  • MargaretG
    September 29, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    You know, leander, I like the indentation you have going here. I found my head going one way and the other like tick / tock and got a sense of the hours dragging by.
    The customers flit by like shadows, you are not full people to each other, but silhouettes in the roles you play. I notice it myself in the shops. I feel a frustration that you cannot be a whole person and treat them as whole too, because they expect only your role. You have great expression in
    "as they shove their blunder
    upon my back."
    I think you have come as close as anyone could to describing the work you do and how you feel about it.


  • windhover3 gold member
    August 7, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Yeah, I don't write many SAS programmer or mid-grade government flunky poems... it ain't easy. I like Saramago's novels in part can he makes the mundane shine a little, but mainly paid labor seems boring.

    This isn't your greatest... it doesn't really go anywhere... but it reflects the reality and is clearly "poetic". Not a bad response to the prompt.


  • DogTagz-TheJalapeno
    August 5, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    hey this ones awesome and on your page you said you were not a true poet.....you dork...yea...you are....what you write is awesome....and whoever can write a poem and actually make it sound good.....is a true poet okay....anyway good work on this peice


  • Nicolette gold member
    August 4, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    How did I miss this one?? So glad I decided to visit your page again. This one is funny and serious in the same breath and somehow it reminds me of my own profession as a social worker too - the customer is always right, isn't it - and that can be so very frustrating. You've written the ups and downs of your profession so well and made me part of the scene there in the cellphone shop. I loved the last lines - they serve to balance the frustrations of a long working day... a home is indeed more than just a home (or should be). I liked this!!

    ~ Nicolette


    • leander Moderators member
      August 4, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      thank you dear friend I'm still not convinced about this one actually


  • gaze
    August 1, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I like it when you say what you have to say without using too many metaphors. It seems more real, as if you were talking to me in a snack bar in Antwerp
    You still make use of alliteration, which makes the poem read smooth. And yes, you never really happy with your poems, even though they are very good!
    Miss you Lele


  • tara wilson gold member
    July 25, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I like this, and I like your other work too, i still remember your kitty poem from a long time ago....hope you find what you are good at and enjoy and take the risk to do it...it's worth it........


  • thelovesongwriter
    July 24, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    wonderful write


  • Celticmoon
    July 21, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Lee,

    Perhaps this is not as metaphoric as you normally would have written. And perhaps you do not feel inspired by your job but nonetheless you have come through with flying colors I agree with J, there aren't many things you don't write of well.

    Excellent Lee!


    Blessings
    Bel

  • marrow
    July 17, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    oh leander, how i miss thee. how have you been? and hey, i think you still did the prompt well. there's not many things you couldn't write well.-- justin


  • Yemassee gold member
    July 14, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I like it...the author isn't always the best judge. I particularly like the ending, that sense of freedom after dealing with patrons all day. Been there, not doing that now.

    Just remember, "The customer is always right!"

    Poor Leander, it helps to make believe they aren't real.


  • Amanda1
    July 13, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Well you couldn't tell that you weren't inspired. Excellent piece here. Loved the conflict within it.

1 - 17 of 17