empty -
nothing -
indulge - (Changed to indulging.)
ambition -
dreaming -
tragedy -
circles -
submit -
substance -
violent -
God -
madness -
alone -
heart -
life -
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She's indulging in this tragedy;
tracing empty circles down her spine
&& dreaming of a life less violent.
To submit to substance
would be to fall short of ambition;
cutting cords to her madness
&& finding god is yet another control.
She'll die to be defined
&& trip over every heart she's offered
preferring to wrap her own destiny,
in coloured paper.
'Nothing' is the word
on every chapped lip she wipes against;
alone in herself,
she's counting everything she sees.
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The song is The Used - Poetic Tragedy (My Favourite band btw)
Author notes
Option 4 && Option 1 - Four (I am hoping this is allowed.)
Username: Vashman aka Toria.
Scream me a love song. (Punctuated like a proper sentence - lol.)
I'm sure of the last stanza... I don't think it fits with the rest and I may work on it some more...
FOR AP FAMILY CONTEST - SISTER? COUSIN? I dunno...
A contest entry
- enter all your dp writes! ****prewritesallowed by thelovesongwriter.
500 points, ended July 22, 2007, 33 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - tombstone sonnets and dandelion eulogies by a tragic end.
777 points, ended July 27, 2007, 11 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Enter Prewrites You Think Are Worthy Of Gold by KittieLyyn.
330 points, ended July 25, 2007, 43 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Calling All Dirty Pretty Dollies- I Need An Ap Family by Heartbeatsxfading.
300 points, ended August 2, 2007, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Excellent
I thought this was well-written with an original twist and that you developed the theme very well. The language is well-chosen and sophisticated.
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I really like this poem
About what you want to be,
How about my deviant cousin with a ♥ of [gold]? -
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o0o0 deviant, I like that!
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i loved this. it was dirty pretty but without all the extras and i believe that is the best kind of dp. combining options is just fine and you did well with it. i still sense an essence of the original song, but i also believe you used to wordlist quite originally. i do like the last stanza and i think it goes well, though if you wish to edit feel free, it's your poem and i will judge the final product.
ps. have some applause for naming the song. you're the first one to do so.
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wonderful, i'm speechless. great job & best of luck
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I like this
Its very strange and almost blurred and unncertain, but I feel that I have felt this way myself although it is undefined.
This stanza:
"She'll die to be defined
&& trip over every heart she's offered
preferring to wrap her own destiny,
in coloured paper"
really touched me I think it was excellently written. I also like the vagueness of the last stanza, I dont think it needs improving. well done =)
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1 - 6 of 6
