Rusted skies have past
Sinking into abysmal seclusion
Trapped between acrid and enamored
Lust left its stain on lurid thighs
Stifling cries echo into a pillow
when the sun's ghost has risen
Forgetting to remember
the way out of this place
Sanity half a world away
Such decadence due to strength of untruth
Choking the hope and life from my sight
Accepting the weakness
Unable to fight
Panic of losing again
is the corset squeezing my insides
too tight
Gasping for intimacy
Suffering to be seen
~NEVER~
The only promise he will successfully keep
Author notes
about my relationship. promises to change that never turn into actions are nothing. and it is wearing thin. seems like i lost what i had somewhere back there. and i am struggling to get the one i love back. never will or never was? love can be so isolating and i never realized how lonely life could be when the one i love is next to me.
A contest entry
- Loneliness by LeonXwabbist.
430 points, ended July 14, 2007, 6 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Feeling alone? Hurting? Come express your pain! by Heavens Child.
650 points, ended September 12, 2007, 27 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 26 of 26
-
You have a very rich vocabulary, I like it very much. =] Amazing write! It kept me very interesting the whole time! =] Excellent piece.
-
again, strong stuff, enough to make the reader cry--there IS hope--very soft and very somber tone, well done throughout... bravo... bravo ....bravo ...
-
This deserved a gold both times around. It seems you've got another amazing write, again. I love it you are truely amazing.
-
I am glad to see this has won a few trophies... this is wonderful probably one of the best i have read today... some relationships are purely toxic... I know I have just left one of 8 years myself... you will find that strength and lose the fear of being alone... and find what love is supposed to be... perfect hun
Karen
-
bravo
Nicely done, a sad tale too often repeated, unhappily. (The first rule of relationships: the other person NEVER changes, no matter what.) deftly done poem... bravo.. bravo.. bravo...
-
I know how it feels, I keep saying that a lot tonight, but I know it feels to be constantly told things will cahnge, you get your hopes up just to be let down as hard as ever. Thanks so much for entering my contest. Good luck.
-
Deep involving crie
You´re very creative in sorrow the perfect combination of images, colors and words just like painting in the moonlight counting us an old sad story in somewhere far away from everything...
It´s beautifull poetically
-
Wow! I love it. I can relate in a way too! Great poem! So much expression and feeling!!
Leslie
-
Beautiful. Absolutely beautiful. I love reading poems by people who can actually speak from their heart and speak from experience. It's amazing that you can take such a hurt and such pain and turn it into something beautiful, not many people are able to do that. Excellent job, and thank you so very much for entering my contest. I'd love to be able to read more of your writings, unfortunately these contests are anonymous and and I can't see who writes them. Good luck in the judging.
-
I love your style. I haven't been on since June and since you commented me I felt I should read your work.I'm so glad I did! I'm regretting I didn't read this sooner...So cool...
-
Very creative imagery and what stunning picture. Actions always speak louder than words. Without evidence of change or progress words are like verbal diarrhea. Great write, thank you for entering.
-
honest & truthful
hurts like hell, feels like hell, looks like hell because it is hell. lust is hell - not love,never love.don't want or need that hell bent never stay part time love.the rust is true-it withers you;breaks, corrupts and corrodes your you.like toxicity it makes you freak-no-one sees the real me-or at least the girl who use to be-best thing for her is to go be born again and free-turn me into New She xxx
-
Hey, this is an awesome poem. I love the ending.
-
that was extremely deep. 'gasping for intimacy , suffering to be seen' that was my favorite line. amazingly written.
-
awww this one was so sad...i clearly saw a woman crying because she fears and knows her lover doesn't love her. I thought it was beautifully crafted and you did such a beautiful job with this one. I hope your lover doesn't treat you like this.
-
wow, the ending was the most amazing part of the entire poem. this was fabulous
-
Wow
you're great, deep, reminds me of how crule people can be, like i needed reminding, but that's not a bad thing, everyone needs to express all kinds of feelings at times, I would really appreciate it if you would check out some of my writeing, just to know what a more experanced writer thinks -
intense truth
i've been there...unfortunately on both sides of the coin... you're flow is impeccable... thank you for sharing your talents to the world... don't ever stop writing.
j-sin
-x-
-
wow.
i love your vocabulary
and the way you write creates such a vivid atmosphere.
i can feel the struggle in this.
-
-
thanks a lot for both comments. i appreciate it
-
-
I'm sorry to heaar about your love, but this was a beautiful poem. Thank you for entering it in my contest.
I love your background! -
Thats the shame about love, we beleive once we have found the one everything will be perfect, but unfortunatly, that is not the case as life still goes on around us!!
A great write, I particually likeed these lines
'Panic of losing again
is the corset squeezing my insides
too tight'
great description there!
Thanks for wentering and good luck!
webber
-
I loved this hun. I am so sorry that it has to be about true things. It was dark and hauntingly beautiful (just like you!!)
I have missed my sexy doll and I hope she is ok. 
Despair
-
-
hehe that's me yay! i like that alot being dark n hauntingly beautiful. if only i had even confidence to float through everyday life feeling that way. instead i feel odd
i am sorry it has to be about true things too but i made my fate. now at the crossroads so blinded by hate and love it is hard to stay or move on. thanx for the support hunni ya know i loves ya lots!!!
-
-
OK, you blew me away with this one.
Wow!! I wish I had a more eloquent word to express how this affected me, and how brilliant you are..but wow is all that's coming to mind.
I absolutely love this!!
Best wishes in the contest!
~Pastel
-
-
to have wowed the poet i look up to on here is the best compliment ever thanx pastel you're a doll
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 26 of 26
