Have you ever been kicked when you were already down in the dirt?
Ever cried all your tears...till u swam in your shirt?
Ever harmed yourself in what others called a self destructive way?
Ever got addicited to pain that you were frozen for days?
Every felt you were being watched?
But with eyes of complete shame...?
Because you're not perfect...and you're the only one to blame
Ever felt the world was out to get you?
Like you lived in a hole?
That got bigger and deeper as you set out for your goals?
Goals you couldn't complete...and you cried as you failed
Ever thought you were brave...but felt bad as you bailed?
Ever felt you was strong...but broke down cause you're weak
Ever cried while blasting music at nights without sleep
Couldn't look in the mirror because your self esteem was so low
Ever wanted to runaway but had nowhere to go
Ever been stabbed in the heart...til it bleed with your pride?
Ever felt so overwhelmed because your life was all lies?
Ever had to fake a smile because your life was on the line?
Ever saved two friends from being buried deep down in the ground...
With the bugs and the dirt...?
Ever felt nobody cared so bad that it hurt...?
Ever felt so lonley,
like you where your only best friend?
Ever felt you had your own language that noone could comprehend?
Ever wanted to die so badly....that you tried once or twice?
Ever felt like this?
Welcome to my life...
Author notes
Option 1
- Girl Interrupted group list • next in list
A contest entry
- Bored... I Want SAD by upperworld06.
360 points, ended October 1, 2008, 55 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - *~!~*Love, Sad, Depression, Many Options*~!~*ENTER NOW by Shannon62875.
405 points, ended November 18, 2008, 26 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - A Different Kind Of Dark... by Horrific Hollis.
700 points, ended April 10, 16 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Can you reach my expectations? by Ti Amo Te Quiero.
750 points, ended May 17, 65 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ♥ To Self Harmers ♥ by DinkyDiver.
1800 points, ended May 28, 38 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Let your teenage anger out here... by Michelle-Elizabeth.
690 points, ended June 13, 39 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Options =] by nobodys-girl.
400 points, ended June 6, 29 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Please enter!! Anything! by Zannah.
750 points, ended June 4, 24 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Your Favorite Work by Violent Glass.
650 points, ended June 21, 65 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Hit me with you best shot fire away...... by Night Terrors.
400 points, ended June 25, 36 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Originality by jamesbliss.
430 points, ended June 27, 61 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Your dark days. by The Hardest Goodbye.
500 points, ended August 6, 21 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 48 of 48
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I like it too... I also like the style... a series of questions with the absolute kicker answer at the end... brings it home. Very nice also is the use of the rhyming couplet.
Favorite line: Ever been stabbed in the heart...til it bleed with your pride?That's a fantastic phrase. And although everything was totally personal to the character... I think all of us have felt and done the same things as the character. So, good eye on the universal meaning.
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Judge here.
I want to thank you for entering my contest. It really means a lot to me. Now lets get down to everything I liked or disliked about this poem.
I actually very much enjoyed your poem. There is a lot of stuff in there that I could really relate to, and that made it much more personable for me. I loved this part especially ... " Ever thought you were brave...but felt bad as you bailed?
Ever felt you was strong...but broke down cause you're weak
Ever cried while blasting music at nights without sleep
Couldn't look in the mirror because your self esteem was so low
Ever wanted to runaway but had nowhere to go "
I know how you feel about being weak. I find that lately, it's easy for me to give in to my impulses, like it doesn't matter if I give in, that nothings going to change because of it. I've always thought I was a strong person, but recently, I've been second guessing myself about a lot of things, and that's really scary for me.
And I am absolutley in love with sad songs. In fact, I'm listening to one right now, really loud .. It's one of my escapes, even if it makes me sad, I still listen to it. The sadder, the better I guess.
& when you said this part " Ever cried all your tears...till u swam in your shirt?
Ever harmed yourself in what others called a self destructive way?
Ever got addicited to pain that you were frozen for days? "
I can relate to that too. It seems like I try to test my own self strength by seeing how much pain I can withstand, emotionally and physically. It's twisted. But I feel different somehow, and that's not necessarily a good thing either.
Anyways, sorry this comment was so long .. But I really loved this poem and I'm so glad you entered it in my contest !!
Goodluck =D
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sounds like you have had a pretty rough time so far. I really think that you have done an amazing job on this i appreciate you entering I would give this a 5/1
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i think its a little confusing and needs some editing. check spelling and grammar, for example:
"like you where your only best friend?"
should be:
"like you were your only best friend?"
the "...?" thing is a little unnecessary.
alot of the rhyme seems really forced, and then near the end there is places where the rhyme is uneven, just not there, and doesnt flow well at all. in order for the rhyme to really work, you need to make the two rhyming lines be nearer to the same length or similar syllable counts.
i also suggest removing some un-needed lines that dont contribute to the piece. i.e.:
Ever saved two friends from being buried deep down in the ground...
With the bugs and the dirt...?
this part is distracting to the reader, it doesnt make sense with everything else. it makes you stop and try to analyze what your getting at. "what two friends? no i havent saved two friends. huh? being buried in the dirt? whats that supposed to mean? eww bugs!! ugh. i hate bugs...."
see what i mean? it isnt a statement that everyone can relate to or follow with. i encourage its removal.
this piece is really good and has potential. if i thought it was hopeless i wouldnt have taken my time to provide some constructive critisicm. its obvious that many have enjoyed and related to this, now you can make it even easier to do that so that more people can enjoy it. good luck, and keep writing. =]] -
I love love love this! Such a good write. I really enjoyed reading it, I have felt like this before.
"Ever felt you had your own language that noone could comprehend?"
I really love that part because I have felt that exact way before.
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OH MY GOD
This is one of the BEST and most POWERFUL poem I have ever read. It's so touching, and I think pretty much everyone can relate to this.
Title: 9.5/10
Emotion: 100/10
Topic/Subject: 9.5/10
Language: 10/10
Beginning: 8.5/10
Ending: 10/10
Emotional response: 10/10
"Ever felt the world was out to get you?
Like you lived in a hole?
That got bigger and deeper as you set out for your goals?
Goals you couldn't complete...and you cried as you failed"
You have no idea how much I can relate to that
Keep writing
thanks for entering, and best wishes
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This was a really great poem, kinda sad but good. Good luck
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"Couldn't look in the mirror because your self esteem was so low ,Ever wanted to runaway but had nowhere to go"
and
"Ever felt so overwhelmed because your life was all lies? Ever had to fake a smile because your life was on the line?"
these were for sure my favorite lines. i can pretty much say yes to everything, that i have been there. amazing poem. thank you so much for entering my contest and best of luck. -
first impression; a thinking poem, love them!
Title (how well the title relates to the poem): 10/10
Emotion (Shows emotion and gives a feeling to the poem): 8/10
Flow/Structure (It's easy to read and looks good): 8/10
Imagery (Paints a vivid picture in ones mind): 5/10
Reaction (How did the poem make me feel?) 6/10
Overall (overall opinion of the poem): 7/10
Totaling: 44/60
love thinking poems, they leave me thinking all day haha thank you for entering x -
Title (how well the title relates to the poem): 1/10
Emotion (Shows emotion and gives a feeling to the poem): 10/10
Flow/Structure (It's easy to read and looks good): 8/10
Imagery (Paints a vivid picture in ones mind): 6/10
Reaction (How did the poem make me feel?) 6/10
Overall (overall opinion of the poem): 5/10
Totaling: 36/60
this is a work of art; welldone on your previous shiny trophies hun-- and thankyou for sharing with me in this contest xx
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wow
yeah this is also a description of my life -
There are many who feel the same as you, and even more who would say that they have never felt this way. Either way, I still thought this poem needed to be seen. Excellent write and good luck in my contest.
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Wow. This really touches me. it seams our lives are veryy similar. But anyway, the poem was very good. The rhyme flowed well and the emotion just poured out to me. I could feel the several emotions hititng me one by one each with it's own unique but hard impact. I loved it.
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Well done on a poem that pours out emotion. Thankyou for entering and good luck.
Maria
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lots of hurt and anger shown here. good job and thank you for entering the contest. Oh ... and the answer is yes, that's why I'm having this contest.
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Well, I can definitely say that I have felt a few of these things expressed in this piece. Alone, flawed, speaking your own language, blasting music on sleepless nights, being kicked when you were already down.
Indeed, and nothing could really explain or tell what allowed me to rise back to the surface with a new ambition but I guess I just got kicked so many times that I was presented with an ultimatum. Drown in it all or rise to the occasion. No, it's not an easy decision to make but I have accepted that I could never attain perfection. For perfection is truly in the eyes of the beholder. A language that I only undestand is beginning to become my greatest ally and with my rise of confidence, I present these different ideas to people. Yeah, you will only get a select few that will listen but those will be a precious select few and you eventually look at yourself and realize that you may hold very unique observations. Poetry is a great cure, so is music. Sometimes listening to a very relatable song can put us back into the right state of mind or at least feel like someone can get it.
My only advice is that if you live your life attempting to please everyone, you will end up epty handed. Trust Me.
As you said, it's a very deep and personal poem.
Good write. -
Wonderfully penned!
Thanks for entering & best of luck
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I like it, just not a winner. Thanks for entering!
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wow wow wow! This is brilliant. Really expresses all your pain... very sad. I think it's written really well too... and in answer to most of your questions, the answer is YES!
Especially:
Ever harmed yourself in what others called a self destructive way?
Ever felt you was strong...but broke down cause you're weak
Ever cried while blasting music at nights without sleep
Ever wanted to runaway but had nowhere to go
Ever felt nobody cared so bad that it hurt...?
Ever felt so lonley,
Ever wanted to die so badly....that you tried once or twice?
lol so basically, yes to most of it.
Really great poem!
x x x
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thanks for entering
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I am going to remove this from the contest because the rhyme is pedestrian.
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this is really really good...
and i know what all of that is like.
keep up the good work....
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You have written this in a way that people canidentify if anyone says they have felt like none of the afformentioned moments then they are lying. Thank you for entering.
Laura -
Very sad write, a lot of people can identify with this. You do have some grammatical errors that stilt the flow, although I know with personal poems like this sometimes the author doesn't care about that. However, if you're going to enter it into contests you should clean that grammar up. Congrats on your honors for this poem, it is from that heart. Good luck. I felt like you for a very long time, and unfortunately I feel it starting to creep back in.
♥
whisper
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this is truly beautiful
congrats on your gold
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This was really good, I could feel the emotions pouring from this. I did notice there were a few gramatical errors, like "was" I think was suppose to be were. Otherwise this was a great piece. Thank you for entering and best of luck to you in my contest.
Vampy -
Wow-stunning
Knocked me back in my chair. Incredible!
have you ever?
been knifed in the back?
felt like you couldn't get out of bed?
so tired you couldn't eat?
so low everything else was up?
put a cocked 38 to your head?
well I have
have you ever...
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In spite of the grammatical errors and the spelling mistakes I love this for it's emotional impact. You have a new friend and if this is more than a muse talking, feel free to talk to me. Great write in spite of mistakes.
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WOW!!!
This is a damn good write!!! I really enjoyed reading this!! I MEAN WOW!!!!!! It was AMAZING!! You did a damn good job expressing how you feel... Im really sorry for whatever you have been through, it sounds terrible... I hope you learn to get through this!!! Keep up the great work!
Good luck in my contest
Shanon*Leah
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Ever felt so lonley,
like you where your only best friend?
Are you sure you weren't writing about my life? Everything hit home except the bit about saving two friends, never had two friends to save. This is so emotional, so deep, so amazing... so real. Thank you for entering my contest. -
Great!
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awww i like this..I hope you feel better than when you wrote this. I can relate too well to this
Great Write And Good Luck
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Great Job
WOW! It's funny because this is everything I've been saying in my poems and feeling all my life. i never knew someone actually felt the same as me sometimes. -
WOW, this is amazing. Deep and very good, love it. good job and good luck
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wow...amzing poem...I love it...I believe everyone has been in every one of those situations before...its just how you grow from it that determines how you will act the next time around when something tests you...but back to the poem...I love the ryhme scheme and how it didn't always stick to it...like it went into freeverse then back in again...very well written and decribed...good luck in the contest
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i love it...
yes..to all these.....
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wow this was definitley honest, and not too close to the original lyrics but you can tell where it came from, so good use of the prompt
Hmm, to be quite honest, i must admit im not a huge fan of this poem for a few reasons like the fact that you used chatspeak and some of the lines didnt make much sense. And it was a bit long. On the other hand though, I can really appreciate the feelings in this poem, and i think that you really put a lot of yourself into it, so well done for that Im kinda tempted to say screw spelling/grammar/flow and just give it a trpphy for the raw ness of it haha. its one of the most honest things ive seen in a while
so cheers and thanks for the entry
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You have written a piece that many can relate to. Well actually I think most people can relate at one time or another. Thanks for your entry.
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Great write
Wow this is really deep i can feel the different emotions in a way its like my life. "Ever wanted to die so badly....that u tried once or twice?" Well i have tryed three times from slit wrists to hanging. But i have changed alot. Very well written poem. Thanks for entering i wish you the best of luck..
..<3..
Shelly
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Good write.
Expressed your self really well.
I enjoy this <3
good luck in the contest
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Good write.
Expressed your self really well.
Thanks for entering.
Good luck in the contest
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perfect. i'm sure many people on here feel this way, i no i do great job.
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this poem speaks the truth of the double lifes we live. someone to people, but to ourselves just a lost cause. it was awesome. i really enjoyed it. great job and best of luck in the judging.
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...
Amazing.
This is making my favorite poem list! I loved it! You basicly described my life in 27 lines! Incredible!
Good luck in the contest! -
This is sad... It's very good but sad... Yeah sometimes I feel like life can be a bit of a drag. I kinda understand where you are coming from. Thanks for sharing such a piece with me. Good luck
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Oh honey if only
I have heard and seen so many children that were born to ones who cared not and in this the child suffers so . I wish you could have been the child I have never been able to have and if you were you would have never knwon anything but love the finnest love where you were proud of yourself and when you smiled it came from the heart .I am so sorry and would you let me be part of your life with this love .I will help you stand and know you are so precious indeed and I would preotect you and listen to all you have to say . I am here should you need to talk for I need love as well and have an abundance to give . I am on here every day so please lets be best of friends OK
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I liked it, but try to write things out instead of going the short way. This will make it easier to read and good luck! -
wow this is very well wriiiten, but really sad.
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